Trying Not to Break
by JMoonrise
Summary: Meredith's leaving Boston at the same time Derek is beginning his surgical career. Their first meeting leaves them wanting more time. Too bad it's not in the cards. It's definitely a MerDer story. No nurses or ex-wives involved.
1. Mama Who Bore Me

**AN- So I am in the process of editing this story and adding some extra things, and once I finish that I will begin actually writing new chapters. I know it has been almost a year, and I haven't abandoned the story. I promise. I'm in my last year of college now, and things have gotten extremely busy.**

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"Meredith, you're wasting your potential." The girl in question resisted the urge to roll her eyes, knowing the only purpose it would serve was to fuel her mother's ire. It was difficult to divert her mother's attention away from what a disappointment she was; her mother seemed more focused on a goal more so than usual.

A deep sigh a few seconds later, and Meredith was ready to bolt from the room. The only problem was her mother's steely glare directed intently at her. Her piercing blue eyes could make a grown man piss his pants if she kept it on them long enough. They were cold and devoid of emotion unless it was irritation or anger. Those were the emotions she was most associated with as being a cause of them. Ellis Grey was a formidable woman who did not let her emotions consume her as she considered them to be a waste. _Tears are for those that are weak Meredith. You don't cry, you build another layer of skin and become stronger._

"Mom, I don't know what it is exactly that you want me to say." The whole conversation was throwing her for a loop. She was confused because her mother seemed to be talking in circles; Meredith had no idea what she wanted from her, but that was typical of her mother.

Her mother stopped her pacing to shoot her daughter an annoyed look for interrupting what was surely a well composed rant. Her eyes always conveyed more than her words, although her sharp tongue did just as good of a job. She was thorough when it came to chastising her daughter for her mistakes.

"I didn't raise you to dilly dally and be generally stupid. You are much smarter than those teachers are giving you credit. You're not an idiot. You only do idiotic things as some sort of act of teenage rebellion." Her mother waved her hand in a dramatic flourish. "I want you to live up to all this untapped potential you possess, but this is perhaps not the best environment for you anymore. Your report cards may demonstrate that you have some innate aptitude for your studies, but all this trouble you are getting in is going to prevent any college from taking a second glance." Meredith did not appreciate the direction this conversation was going because she sensed that her mother was leading it to a grand finale.

The pink haired teenager crossed her arms in annoyance. Her mother sure was one to talk. "This is who I am." She gestured to herself. "Pink hair and all, so just accept it. Maybe I don't want to go to college." She sneered angrily. _Liar_ , she thought.

Ellis Grey sneered at her daughter in the same manner. She was at the end of the rope with the girl. All she ever did was act out and cause more problems for the mother to fix. She couldn't continue to coddle the child as Meredith would never grow up then. She wasn't going to be Thatcher and cater to her daughter's wants. Meredith could hold all the contempt she wanted against her, but at the end of the day she had to what was best for her daughter.

"Meredith Elizabeth Grey, I'm sending you to boarding school. Before you go though we will be dyeing your hair back to it's natural honey blonde color. It was the way your genetics intended it to be, and honestly no one can take you seriously with that pink mop you call hair." She scoffed at the very idea.

Meredith sat up ramrod straight. Her mother couldn't be serious. "You can't do this." She protested vehemently. "I haven't done anything to warrant this."

"I can and I am. You are too old to be acting in a manner that is ill befitting of your age. It's time to grow up. Your teachers say you have a bright mind when you actually apply yourself. I've been humoring you recently, but I've gotten soft. It's time you realize I'm only doing this for your benefit." Meredith scoffed. She was doing it for herself. "You have two days to pack before it's off to your new school. I'm not doing this to be the bad guy." Her eyes softened as she took in her daughter. "I know that you make me out to be the big bad villain, but I am mom foremost. I haven't always been the best mom, but Meredith this was never easy for me."

"Well now you know how we feel. This is complete bullshit. You can't be serious about this. You're ruining my life, but I suppose that's just typical Ellis Grey behavior." She screamed angrily at her mother. She ran out of the room, knocking over a vase in the process, and up the stairs where slammed her bedroom door for good measure to convey to her mother just how angry she was with the woman's actions.

Every time she paced the length of her bedroom her stomping only got louder, not that her mother would hear. She was surely on her way to the hospital by that point. Her precious job was far more important to her than comforting her daughter after delivering a bomb shell like that. If there was one thing to know about Ellis Grey, it was that she never really wanted to be a mother. Her daughter was an inconvenience, and more of something that needed to be dealt with. She knew her mother believed that her existence was forced upon her by her Meredith's father.

At fifteen Meredith knew how unwanted she was.


	2. Big Girls Cry

**AN- Chapter 2 has now been edited.**

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"Meredith, I don't understand why you insist on constantly pissing her off."

Said girl in question rolled her eyes in annoyance at her younger sister. Lexie was two years younger than her sister, and a complete pain in the ass for Meredith. She was the golden child, and rarely ever got in any sort trouble. She knew not to toe the line as she never wanted to be in the line of fire for her mother's wrath. She had seen her sister get into enough situations over the years that she learned only on what to do and what not to do.

"Honestly, at this point I don't care." She leaned back on her bed and shifted her pillows a little to get comfortable. The more she considered this whole boarding school thing, the better it sounded in her head. It meant getting away from her mother who attempted to control every miniscule detail of her life. Anything that could accomplish that goal was great in her books. This was the opportunity she had been searching for; she didn't need some long lost father to come and save her.

A huff redirected her attention back to her sister who was scowling at her. "You're leaving me all alone with her. How could you do this?"

The older sister groaned and closed her eyes. She could feel the presence of an oncoming headache. Her and Lexie had been at this a while. Her sister was more than displeased with the news that her sister would be shipped off to a boarding school across the country in less than a week. They had looked after one another their entire lives, and Meredith couldn't remember a time in her life when she didn't have her sister.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. It was her fault that her most was taking such drastic measures in the first place. "This isn't easy for me either. You think I really want to go off to some fancy boarding school with a bunch of waspy types?"

Lexie raised an eyebrow at her sister. "Uh Mer, we kind of are wasps ourselves." Her face shifted when she noticed her sister scowling at her. "I-uh mean of course, who wants to go to school with a bunch of stuck up kids?"

Meredith nodded. "Exactly," she exclaimed, slapping her hands down onto her mattress. "This is bullshit. But whatever Ellis says goes." The younger sister took a seat on the bed and smiled in sympathy. "She's making me dye my hair back. I knew she was lying when she said she didn't mind it." Both girls erupted into a fit of giggles.

It had been more than obvious their mother's displeasure with her older daughter's decision to permanently alter her hair color. Her lips were pinched tightly, and her eyes crinkled at the corner. She would backhandedly compliment Meredith whenever they were in the vicinity of one another. Meredith could have chosen a temporary dye, but it wouldn't have gotten the same reaction from her mother when she realized the color wouldn't rinse out after a few washes.

"What is your natural hair color again?" Lexie joked. It had been a long running joke between the two sisters about the actual color of Meredith's hair. Two years before at thirteen, she had dyed it black without her mother's permission. She was going through the whole grunge look. She wore Doc Martins, ripped jeans or shorts with tights underneath, lots of flannel and layers. There were faded jean jackets or jean vests, and she had rocked the leather jacket look. Her long hair was rarely washed, and eventually purple streaks were added to give it some color. Their mother however remained tight lipped not that she really noticed. She would've had to be home to notice. But when she was around, her eyes voiced what her mouth did not. However, she didn't want to mess with the status quo and deal with Meredith's sudden teenage rebellion.

Then a year ago Meredith decided to dye all of it pink, which meant first bleaching her hair. School dress code didn't have any regulations about the color of students' hair. It clashed horribly with her uniform, but she was going more for the shock effect anyways. She had started a trend among the other rebels at their school who decided to dye their own hair all sorts of wild colors.

"It's blonde." She replied with an eye roll. There were enough pictures of them before that clearly demonstrate that Meredith was a natural blonde. "Ellis doesn't want me to embarrass her at a new school. Apparently her colleagues' wife is the dean at the school, which is why my application was approved so quickly. Normally it is like a one year waiting list, but mom put my application in six months ago." She elaborated as it was becoming more and more clear to her that her mother had been planning this for a while.

"So are you going to give up this whole angry teenager persona you've got going on?" Lexie asked curiously. She bit her lip which was nervous tell of hers.

Meredith sighed. "I don't know Lex. It's been my comfort blanket for so long that I don't know who I am outside of it. I mean who is Meredith Grey?" Her insecurity was showing, and it was a rare moment of vulnerability for the teenager. She hated showing others how she was actually feeling because she had watched her mother and modeled her behavior after hers.

"You're my sister." Lexie stated as if it was a foregone conclusion. "You used to make me sandwiches and tuck me into bed at night. We played with Anatomy Jane together, and you taught me all your made up names for the different organs. You helped me with my homework. You're not this person you've created to everyone who doesn't know the real you. You do care despite pretending you don't. I don't think a person who doesn't care would get straight A's." Lexie's face was resolute. Normally she avoided commenting on her sister's appearance and personality, but she couldn't help it anymore. Her sister had provided her an opportunity and she took the time to explain how she felt.

"I suppose you've made your case. I guess I'm just angry about everything. Dad never came back for us, and mom is never around. It's just the two of us. Mom always tells me how much of a disappointment I am, and how she raised me to be extraordinary. And how I'm failing miserably." She brushed away the tears at the corners of her eyes because they were a sign of weakness.

Lexie rolled her eyes. She never took her mothers words to heart like her sister. "Ignore her, she's jealous. You're young and fresh, and have so much to offer the world. You have your whole life ahead of you, and her hay day has almost passed. You'll be able to do what she couldn't, which is balance a career and a family instead of putting one above the other. So her whole life is surgery well then that's her problem. We aren't her. We don't have to have the same priorities or goals. Do what makes you happy." The younger sister scooted closer to her older sister and squeezed her hand to show they were in solidarity.

"Maybe you should be a shrink," Meredith snorted. Lexie slapped her stomach. "Ow." She yelped, rubbing the offended spot. "Geez lighten up." Her sister could never take a joke, and it was an affront that Lexie would be anything other than a surgeon.

Lexie yawned. Her emotions had been running high earlier and now she was feeling the effects of her emotional rampage. "I love you Meredith Elizabeth Grey." She whispered.

"I love you too Alexandra Caroline Grey." She kissed her sister's head as the two fell asleep, cuddled into one another for what would be the last time in God knew how long.

 _TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB_

The week had gone by faster than she originally anticipated, and it was more than likely the result of her dreading this trip across the country to California. It was the closest she would be towards her former home in ten years. She wasn't sure how she felt about being that close.

Her mother had not forced the issue of her attending school for the last two days; Meredith was required to pack any of her belongings she wanted with her at school. Her mother would mail whatever she wanted that could not fit inside her two suitcases.

She glanced at the clock and cursed her mother once again. For once she was actually on time for a meeting. True to her mother's word, Meredith was dyeing her hair back to blonde against her will. She knew not to make a bigger fuss about it with everything else that was going on.

As usual her mother was running late, forcing her to have wait in the waiting room of the hospital with all the worried family members and friends who had the frantic look in their eyes. Her eyes darted around the room, and she decided to make a game; she made up little stories about why each person was there. It was a source of entertainment for her and Lexie when they were younger, and were obligated to spend most of their time in the hospital because their mother had once again forgotten to arrange child care.

Her eyes fell on an approaching figure. He looked to be young, but not quite fresh out of medical school young. She would say by his confident swagger that he was at least a first or second year resident. His eyes said he had seen stuff on the job, and that he had some experience under his belt. He was still awkward looking, but the hair was definitely his best asset for sure; she was unable to tell if it was natural or if he woke up that way. His glasses definitely took away from his attractiveness, which was extremely unfortunate because he certainly had the potential to be a very handsome man. She couldn't really see what color his eyes were, but she suspected it was a nice color.

She noticed the formation of muscles on his arms, and smirked in appreciation at the tightening of his scrub shirt. She wasn't close enough to hear his voice as he obviously told one of the men waiting good news. No one ever hugged a surgeon if it was bad news. Meredith had spent enough time at the hospital to know that much. There were usually two waiting room reactions, one was good and the other was more tears than someone should be able to shed.

As he turned to leave his eyes darted across the room as if sensing her eyes on him. Derek normally wasn't forward, but having Mark Sloan as his best friend had taught him a thing or two about wooing women. "Nice hair, it's hot." He thought he would go with a smooth compliment.

"Do you normally talk to your patients like that? I'm not sure that's appropriate bedside manner." She smirked as her eyes danced with mirth. It had been a while since the opportunity to flirt had presented itself.

Derek stared at her gob smacked. "Well my patients don't normally look as good as you." He wanted to hit himself in the face for that comment.

"I could probably get you fired for sexual harassment." She redirected her gaze to her book. Hard to get was her favorite game after all, and this guy needed to step up his game if he was ever going to get a woman to give him a second glance.

He frowned in disappointment that she was able to easily ignore his presence. "Most women find I'm charming."

"You'll find, Dr…?"

He held out his hand for her. "Shepherd, Dr. Derek Shepherd."

"Must be in neuro, no one outside of it is that cocky." A small smirk flitted its' way onto her face. This was too easy. "I'd say you're probably a first year or second year resident. Third years are a bit more mature, fourth years have usually declared, and fifth years are trying not to kill patients so that they have more positive outcomes for their boards. First and second years walk around with an air of importance because they believe surviving the intern year is a huge accomplishment, in some ways passing the intern test is a huge accomplishment, but there's so much left to learn that isn't on that test. I know you're not an attending because they were dark green scrubs."

"I'm a second year." He mumbled with his cheeks turning a light shade of pink at the fact that he had been called out by a girl with pink hair.

"As I said, it was nice meeting you Derek. You should try dating someone in your league. Ditch the glasses for one, workout more, and you'll be a great catch. Now if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere to be." She closed her book and walked away to meet her mother who should be out of surgery.

Derek was left staring after the mysterious girl. She seemed to be rather informed on the behavior of interns and residents, and that only happened if it was someone who spent much of their time in hospitals. His shoulders slumped because he didn't even know her name, and she not only knew his but his specialty. "Ditch the glasses, huh?" Mark had suggested getting contacts for the last several years. He said something about ladies loving eyes, especially blue.

Meredith was still laughing when she found her mother at the nurses' station. Ellis was finishing up her notes on a patient's chart. "Oh good, you're here." She said by way of greeting.

"Hello to you as well mom." She greeted in a snarky tone, earning a sharp glare from her mother.

The teen rolled her eyes. It was her mother's way of saying hello. Her mother's time was money, and she considered time talking, time wasted. "Alright, make sure one of my interns checks on 231. His post-op was looking fine, and I think he might be ready for discharge." She turned to her daughter with her face devoid of any type of emotion. Meredith hadn't seen her mother display a proper emotion since she was five and her mother attempted suicide. There was a fear in those eyes that had never been there before, and it scared her five year old self.

"Let's go Meredith." Meredith followed five paces behind her mother. She felt enough like a child as it was. At least her mother wasn't dragging her around like one.

Three hours later, the fifteen year old was staring at her newly bleached hair. She couldn't stop touching the silky strands. It was strange to see her blonde hair once again because as soon as she saw the barest hint of roots she was at the hair salon dyeing her roots. She was understood why her mother forced her to do it. Pink hair wasn't really who she was. It was a childish phase, and made her look stupid and angry. It was generally hard to wear clothes without it clashing with her hair, which is why she wore mostly black because everything went with black.

In hindsight, she was trying to be someone she wasn't. She wanted to piss of her mom, and what better way to do it than to look like the opposite of a surgeon's daughter. Her mother refused to allow her to come to the hospital until all of her sense returned. It was lecture after lecture with mother and daughter constantly battling it out.

Her mother paid for everything and began pushing her daughter out of the shop. "Come now, we have to get you to the airport. Your flight leaves in two hours."

"Yay," she muttered under her breath.

Unfortunately it wasn't quiet enough for her mother who turned to sharply glare at her. "I don't want any of your sass. This wouldn't be happening if you had gotten your act together. I am tired of constantly have to speak on the phone with the dean of your school because you were caught smoking or making out with some boy during class time. I have better things to do with my time than to lecture you about your poor behavior and decision making. None of this is my fault. So hush up and get in the car."

Meredith glowered at her mother, but did as she was told. It wasn't worth it. Her mother would fine a way to win. It was in her nature to constantly be correct. There was no room for error in Ellis Grey's world. The teen watched as the city of Boston passed her by. It had been her home since she was five years old. The family of three had moved their after her mother had attempted suicide. They went away in the middle of the night, leaving their entire lives in Seattle behind. They built something in Boston and her mother was taking it all away from her with her snap decision.

She resisted the urge to vomit. The whole thing was making her sick to the stomach. Her thoughts drifted back to the resident in the hospital. While he was obviously far older than her, she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to know him. She was attracted to him, not that she would ever voice that passing thought out loud. There was something there, but it was better to put him out of her mind. It wasn't like she would ever see him again.

All too soon it seemed, mother and daughter were at Logan International Airport. Ellis grabbed one of her suitcases, and Meredith grabbed her backpack and the other one. It was going to suck. She wasn't going to know anyone, and she was only allowed to make two calls a week. This was going to be literal hell.

"Now, I can't walk you to your gate. But here's your ticket, and I want you to be good. Don't roll your eyes. I'm being serious. You want a chance to start over, well here it is. Good luck Meredith, I know you can be extraordinary." Her mother squeezed her shoulders before leaving. She wasn't much of a touchy feely sort of person, which she passed onto Meredith. Lexie must have been more like their father than their mother because she loved hugging and thrived on physical touch.

It was as close to an 'I love you' as she would get from Ellis Grey. The woman wasn't know for her sentimentality or ability to be a mother. She was known for her excellent skills as a general surgeon. The Grey method was all any doctor could gush about with her and Lexie. It was embarrassing when she knew more about surgery than most of the residents on staff at the hospital.

She glanced at her ticket and took a deep breath. She had to get through security as her plane would start boarding in another hour. She was off to a new life. It was terrifying and thrilling at the same time, but she felt that it was a needed stop on her path. Maybe her mother had actually done something right for her after all.

Before her plane left Boston for good, her thoughts drifted once again to Dr. Derek Shepherd. Meredith thought he definitely had the potential to be a good surgeon if his confidence was anything to go by. She wished she would have the chance to see the end product because he would definitely be extremely handsome with a little more work.

"Goodbye Boston," she murmured quietly.


	3. Hello, Goodbye

**AN- Chapter three is now edited.**

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"Mer, I am so proud of you." Her sister threw her arms around her neck, making her laugh at the girl's enthusiasm. She was much more jovial than the last time she had seen her sister.

Meredith chuckled. "It's only high school graduation Lex." It wasn't like she was graduating from med school or college. This was a small accomplishment compared to those.

Her sister seemed to ignore her statement though as she continued to hug her. "Mom is proud too even if she's too stubborn to admit it. All she ever does when we go out with her colleagues is talk about her daughter who was accepted into Dartmouth, Princeton, Boston, and Yale. There was a lot of pride in her voice, it was actually kind of scary." Both sisters glanced over at their mother who was conversing happily with the dean. It was strange to see her mother wearing a not artificial smile as she tended to do. "I mean it's not like she ever thought you'd be salutatorian after all that crap back in Boston."

"She told me I should've been valedictorian." The two girls rolled their eyes at their mother's backhanded compliment. She was good for those, and she couldn't accept that there was someone better. _Work harder if you think someone is better than you. That's the only way you become great._ "I just wish she would say I'm not wasting my potential. I'm waiting to inform her of my intended major because I fear what her reaction would be." She wasn't sure why it was such a big deal to have her mother's approval, but she had sought it her entire life thus far. She wanted her mother to be proud of her more than anything. It was a desire she wished she could quell, but it was something that she desired from a young age. All she wanted was her mother's praise.

Lexie sighed, knowing how her sister felt. She too wished for their mother's approval. "It sucks to know that nothing we ever do will be good enough for her." Meredith had to agree with her sister's assessment. Ellis Grey believed in being better than the best, and that a person should never settle in life. _You should aim higher than you ever believed you could achieve._

She threw an arm around Lexie's shoulders and squeezed. "Let me introduce you to my best friend." She dragged her sister over to the one person who was constantly there for her the last two and a half years. "This is Cristina. She's going to Stanford in the fall."

"You were the valedictorian." Lexie stated in awe. It was surprising that her sister would be friends with anyone if she were to be honest. Her sister wasn't necessarily the friend type.

Cristina stared incredulously at Meredith and her eyes darted towards Lexie. "I thought you told me your sister was smart."

"Cristina," she chastised. "Lexie was making polite conversation. She was saying that because my mother will be far more impressed by you than me."

"You only lost to me by a quarter of a point." Her face softened. "Then again Ellis Grey is your mother." Cristina admired Ellis Grey as one of the first big chick surgeons who made it possible for her to even be considering the profession of surgeon.

Lexie snorted at how accurate that statement was. Meredith cackled loudly earning some glares from the people around them. "Exactly, she doesn't know how to be proud of me."

"Maybe if you cured something like diabetes." Meredith and Cristina began to laugh hysterically at the thought.

"No she wouldn't. Not even then. She would be jealous that I stole the spotlight from her." Lexie was beginning to see why the two were best friends. They were a lot alike. Cristina had replaced Lexie as her sister's confidant. She was sort of jealous with the ease in which they communicated with one another. The two of them had similar personalities; they weren't bright and shiny, happy people. They didn't see the world through rose colored glasses.

"So you better stay in contact when you go to Dartmouth or I'll kick your ass." Cristina warned as the two of them said their goodbyes.

"As if, I remember you getting the ass kickin' when you ran your mouth off to Erica. I was the one who saved you." Meredith scoffed at the very idea of Cristina being able to kick her ass.

"Meredith Elizabeth," said girl closed her eyes in dismay at the approaching figure of her mother. "Who is your charming friend?"

Meredith forced a smile. "Mom, this is my best friend Cristina Yang. She's going to Stanford as a pre-med major." She knew that would add points in her favor.

"Oh how delightful, I remember my college days fondly. I still have some contacts at Stanford Med. It is a wonderful program." Meredith mimed throwing up behind her mother's back, Cristina bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Meredith here has yet to actually pick a major. She's always been indecisive growing up. She's never had any direction to be honest. I blame her father's genes for that."

The blonde's eyebrows shot up in surprise. She couldn't believe the audacity of her mother bringing up something delicate like that. While Cristina was her person and knew all about her mommy and daddy issues, it was still rude of her mother to discuss it so publicly especially considering she never so much as mentioned their father. It was supposed to be a happy day, and here her mother was ruining it as usual. "Mom." She said through gritted teeth, her jaw clenching in irritation. "I don't think Cristina really wants to hear all about that. We just graduated today. Remember the day is about us."

Ellis plastered a plastic smile on her face. She couldn't afford to be seen as anything but the perfect mother. "Yes, congratulations, you were the valedictorian. Your speech was well spoken. A bit dry, but you're only eighteen. You haven't truly lived yet."

Meredith smacked her forehead, and Lexie's eyes widened. They both were chagrined over the entire situation. Their mother had a problem keeping her mouth shut, and often offended people intentionally. Not that she actually cared how she spoke to people generally which her residents could attest to.

"Yes, it is an honor to make your acquaintance Dr. Grey. Meredith has told me about your legendary skills in the OR. I hope to be as good of a surgeon as you one day. Without women like you, there wouldn't even be room for me at the operating table unless I was a nurse. I have to go now. My parents are taking me out for a celebratory dinner before we finish packing up my room. See you later Mer." Her eyes were huge, but Meredith understood exactly what her friend was saying. _Your mother is a bitch._

Meredith had to agree. "Was that really necessary mom? Your speech was a bit dry. That was rude and uncalled for. She deserved to be valedictorian. She worked her ass off. I know you're disappointed in me for not getting it, but that is no reason to talk to others in such an awful manner."

Ellis fixed her daughter with a stern look. "I don't appreciate being spoken to like that. You would do well to change your tone. Are you forgetting who is paying for your college education?"

 _How could she forget?_ Her mother only reminded her every second of every minute of every phone call. It was wearing on her ability to be patient with her mother. The woman was driving her nuts, and she was just about at her breaking point.

"Now let's go. We are having dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Wright." Mrs. Wright was her now former dean, and Meredith had grown quite fond of the woman in her time here. She had become an advocate of hers, and was one of the first people to truly believe in her.

Meredith couldn't believe her mother. She was constantly trying to impress everyone. She used her daughter's as chess pawns, and rarely ever treated them as human beings capable of speaking or thinking for themselves. This was her day, her accomplishment, and here her mother was yet again ruining another life moment for her. It was typical.

She and Lexie shared a brief look as they forlornly walked behind their mother. There was no arguing with Ellis. It was never pretty in the end when they tried as she always managed to get the last word.

"Why does she have to ruin everything?" Meredith asked in a hushed tone.

Lexie shrugged and shot daggers at her mother's back. "I don't know what her deal is. Most parents would be beyond proud their child graduated second in class, but she acts as if that happens everyday." Meredith couldn't agree more. "She ruins all the big stuff. She missed all of your t-ball games and never attended any of my dance recitals. I don't understand why she had two kids when she barely looked after one."

Meredith stopped causing Lexie to run into her. Their mother was on her portable phone. "What do you mean he's coding Dr. Shepherd? When I left him in your care, it was because I thought you were finally competent enough to keep a patient alive." The two girls watched as their mother berated a resident over the phone. "You weren't put on my service to kill my patient. He better be alive when I get back to the hospital tomorrow morning." She hung up and muttered expletives under her breath.

"She's a surgery junkie." Lexie whispered. "I swear it's like we aren't even blips on her radar." Because they weren't.

"Come on, let's go before we do something to further her ire." Neither wanted to see the day completely ruined.

"So Cristina seems cool?" It was said casually, but Meredith knew her sister well enough to know that it was a question. Lexie had never mastered the art of subtlety and usually gave herself away.

She turned to face her sister. "Do you really want to have this conversation?" Lexie nodded, although there was some uncertainty in her eyes. "She's my person. If I were to kill someone, she would be the one I would call to help me hide the body. She gets me, and we don't have to hug or anything. Plus, she has a shared love of tequila." Many nights were spent together complaining about their mothers.

Lexie's eyebrows shot up her forehead. "Since when do you drink?" While her sister had gotten into her fair share of trouble in Boston, she never drank alcohol.

"Seriously?" Meredith asked her sister incredulously. "Lex I'm not a kid. I didn't just stay here in the summer for the college courses. There were tons of parties. You need to loosen up."

The dark haired girl frowned at her sister. "I can't believe you. It's like I don't even know you." Her arms crossed over chest petulantly.

"You don't." She told her bluntly, not caring if she bruised her sister's feelings. "I'm not the same girl who was shipped off to boarding school two years ago. I'm eighteen for one. And two, everyone changes once they leave home. Leaving home was the best thing for me." Meredith threw her hands up in exasperation. Talking with her hands was a habit she and her sister shared with their mother. They weren't idle people, and remained constantly in motion when they weren't sleeping. "I don't have to tell Cristina everything, but she gets it. She doesn't question me. We share a look and we know. You'll still always be my sister, but she is too now. I know you don't quite understand it, but be happy that I have a friend. It wasn't that long ago that I had followers not friends."

Lexie pouted and spent the rest of the evening sulking and avoiding her sister. She pointedly looked in the other direction of Meredith, and ignored any of her attempts to start a conversation.

"So Meredith, what do you plan to study at Dartmouth?" Dr. Wright was staring at her intently. It creeped her out a little. His blue eyes were a dull blue, and lacked life unlike his wife's. They reminded her of ice.

The blonde's eyes darted around the room as she tried to think of a good answer. More than likely she would become pre-med. Science actually did interest her, and biology and anatomy were her best subjects. "I'm leaning towards pre-med. I grew up in the hospital, and it just makes sense as a career for me."

Her mother chose that moment to praise her daughter as if she had anything to do with it. "Meredith has been bright from day one. She was fascinated by surgery at a young age. She spent a lot of time in the gallery watching me, and I remember at four she told me she was going to be a doctor like me one day."

While it was news to her, she didn't doubt the veracity of her mother's words. She loved going to the hospital and running around the halls. All the procedures fascinated the young girl and captured her imagination. Her favorite game as a kid was surgeon for good reason. Anatomy Jane was her favorite doll. She never cared much for girly toys, not when she could play with her doll's twosh and other organs.

"That's wonderful." Dinner was the strangest affair of Meredith's life as her mother heaped praise after praise onto her. She wasn't aware that her mother knew so much about her, then again there wasn't much she actually knew about Ellis.

 _TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB ~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB_

Derek wanted to bash his head against the door of his patient's room; he was sharing the patient with Dr. Grey. The patient had come in with a cerebral hemorrhage and abdominal bleeding after being hit by a truck. Dr. Grey happened to be the attending on call in the ER at the time, and decided to offer her services. _More like steal the good cases,_ he thought bitterly.

If there was one doctor in the entire hospital that he detested it was that woman. She was surgery hungry, not that he couldn't be at times. She was respected and had seniority. He didn't have the clout she did to remove her from the case, so he was stuck dealing with her. Their patient had coded and luckily seemed to be doing okay now. His attending had forced him to call her to inform her if the situation changed which it did. She yelled at him on the phone and called him names he would rather not say.

He opted to stay with the patient that night in case something happened. He really didn't want this patient to die, or Dr. Grey would never let him hear the end of it. She was a real hard ass, especially to residents. She hated the entire neuro department. So he already had a strike against him when they were both assigned to the case.

"Can you inform me when Dr. Grey gets here?" He asked one of the nurses. He was too tired to remember her name.

She nodded and smiled. "Of course, Dr. Shepherd. Is there anything I can do for you?" She dragged her finger down his arm with a flirty smile on her face. He was tempted to roll his eyes. After taking the advice of the pink haired punk girl, women found him desirable all od a sudden. The nurses in particular hit on him more than what was necessary. He rejected all of them. He was still searching for his pink haired girl.

"No thank you, I'll just be in Mr. Jones' room." Her face fell in disappointment, and he pretended not to notice.

Mark would laugh when Derek told him about all the nurses' attempts to hit on him. He thought it was funny that just two years ago none of them would glance once in his direction, and now he had hordes of them lining down the block just to get a second of his attention.

Derek sighed in relief when at seven the next morning the patient had gone twelve hours without going into V-Tach. He knew when Dr. Grey arrived because he could see the nurses zooming quickly through the halls. They were all intimidated by the female surgeon. She was a pit-bull in and out of the OR, and she put the fear of God into most of the staff.

"Sorry I couldn't be here sooner. My daughter graduated last night. It was in California, and our flight only got in at six this morning." Derek was surprised by how almost pleasant she was being. "At least you managed to keep him alive." She glanced down at his charts and flipped through to read all the notes. "His stats look good. His BP is a bit elevated, but that's to be expected." She moved to the bed and inspected his incisions. "The incisions seem to be healing nicely. I would say that this patient will make a good recovery. Page me if you need me, my daughters are waiting for me." She strode out of the room leaving Derek with his mouth gaping open. He couldn't believe the audacity of that woman. She literally strolled in as if she owned the place and barely stayed for five minutes.

He was astonished to know the dragon of Mass Gen had a daughter. He wondered how the girl had faired living with such a monster for a mother. Ellis Grey didn't strike him as the maternal type. She seemed distant and cold, and not the slightest bit affectionate. Then he realized she had said daughters. "Poor souls." He pitied them as that could not be an easy existence.

He collected his patients' chart and dropped it off at the nurses' station. He was exhausted and ready to go home. Derek changed into his street clothes and then told the nurses to page him if Mr. Jones' condition changed. He was no use around the hospital being as exhausted as he was, and he had no desire to try to find an empty on-call room.

Sleepily he made his way down the hall to the elevator when he bumped into something or someone he should say. He heard a whoosh of air and his eyes popped open to see a blonde haired woman/girl fall on her ass.

"Hospitals are where you go to get treated jackass, not where you get injured. Next time pay attention to where you're going." He was taken aback by the ferocity of her glare. He swore he had seen those eyes before, but he couldn't quite place her as she didn't look like anyone he had met before.

He offered his hand to the girl, but she sniffed and pushed herself off the ground. "I don't need assistance getting off the ground especially from the person who knocked me over."

"I apologize. I was tired and closed my eyes for a second."

Her eyes narrowed. "Yes, well that's a hazard. Be glad I'm not injured more or I would sue. Now if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere to be." She stalked off and he tracked her with his eyes. His eyes traveled downward to the swell of her ass. While she was tiny, she had curves and legs for miles. He groaned as a certain part of his anatomy came to life. It had certainly been a while since he had company in his bed.

He always seemed to meet the hottest women who wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. He didn't know how it was possible that he could attract every single nurse in the hospital, but couldn't ask out anyone he thought was worth taking the risk for. He had been spurned twice now by two extremely sexy women, and he had barely been able to get a word in edgewise. Derek wanted a woman who wasn't afraid to stick up for herself and had self respect. He seemed to meet them in the hospital, but they always got away before he could ask them out.

It was also the second time he still didn't have a name.


	4. I'll Never Forget You

**AN- Chapter 3 now edited.**

* * *

 **Dartmouth**. It was the dream finally come to fruition. Once upon a time she had no aspirations, dreams, nothing she wanted to achieve, but then one day her guidance counselor invited her for a sit down to discuss the future.

 _Meredith was a junior at the time. She tried to hide her fear when Ms. Davis asked her to take a seat. There are no words more daunting than that. She wiped her sweaty palms on her skirt, and quickly sat down. Her eyes were focused on her lap as she tended to avoid eye contact when she was afraid that she was in trouble._

" _Meredith, you don't have to be scared. You're not here because you're in trouble." The blonde teenager's head snapped up in the blink of an eye. Shock was written all over her face. "I promise. I actually called you in here to discuss your post high school plans."_

 _In the teenager's opinion that was worse than being in trouble. How was she supposed to admit that she didn't have any plans? She didn't know what she was going to do. Her mother had her own ideas about what she should be, but she herself had no idea what she was good at. Her mother had shot her confidence to hell._

 _Ms. Davis adjusted her position as she attempted to make it a much more comfortable experience for the both of them. She sensed that Meredith had issues when it came to authority, and she didn't want to come off as an intimidating presence. "Do you know what you might like to study? We can start looking at schools tailored for a specific major."_

 _The girl shrugged. "To be honest, Ms. Davis, I haven't thought about it. I'm not that great at anything." She had heard it from her mother enough that she wasn't going anywhere in life. Then one day the voice of her mother somehow ended up stuck in her head. She didn't want to be a massive disappointment to her mom, but it seemed like everything she did was lacking in some way. She wanted to prove to her mom that she was capable of anything, and that past history aside, she wasn't a failure._

" _Meredith, you seem like a bright young woman." Ms. Davis sighed. She had seen cases like these enough in her office. It was a fancy, private boarding school, and that was basically answer enough. Most of these kids had been raised by successful parents who pushed and pushed their kids, and then told them what disappointments they were when they didn't reach their parents expectations. These kids had it ingrained in their heads that they were failures if they didn't consistently succeed. "I don't think that's true at all. I pulled your SAT scores from your file. I also pulled out all of your report cards and teacher evaluations. You Meredith Grey have a lot of potential. You scored a perfect score. Do you know how rare that is? Most kids can barely score a 1100. Your science and math teachers say you have a brilliant mind but lack focus. You don't push yourself to your limits."_

 _The teen squeezed her eyes shut. "Why do you care?" She snapped impatiently. "So, I'm good at taking some test. It's not that big of a deal."_

 _The counselor blinked at the seventeen year old girl in front of her. "Meredith, it is a big deal. I get that you probably have a parent at home who never approves of you, but you're smart. There's a lot out there for you. You just have to believe in yourself. Now I'll give you two minutes, and then I want you to tell me something that you want to do."_

 _Meredith couldn't believe the nerve of this woman. She acted as if she knew her. She didn't know anything about her. So some teachers said she was smart but lacked ambition. This woman though wouldn't give it a rest. She wanted Meredith to think for her own, which was a foreign concept because she was unaccustomed to making decisions for herself. No one had ever asked her what it was she wanted for herself. Her mother made the decisions. That was how it was, and she didn't want to mess with the status quo._

 _But it didn't have to be, she realized. This woman was giving her the opportunity she had craved her entire life. It was the chance to decide for herself what she wanted out of her life. "I want to go college." It was a spoken in a soft whisper. It was said as if it was nothing, but in reality it was truly everything. "I'm not sure what I want to study. I'm good at anatomy and biology. Science is a subject I excel at. My mom is a surgeon." She picked at her fingernails, not sure why she was entrusting this information to the woman before her. "I've always wanted to attend an Ivy League school."_

 _Ms. Davis smiled. She was getting somewhere. "Do you want to go in the city? Or would you prefer small town life?"_

" _Definitely not Harvard," she frowned at the very idea. "I'm from Boston. The idea of actually going back there doesn't really appeal to me. I don't want to go to New York. I'm not a huge fan of Jersey either. I like Dartmouth though. New Hampshire seems nice."_

 _The older woman rifled through her desks as she searched for the brochure. "Here we are." She exclaimed, startling Meredith. "I keep some extra brochures. This is Dartmouth. It's in Hanover. It's a quaint town. There's the Connecticut River, the Appalachian trail runs through it, and the population is only a few thousand people. The campus is located in the valley."_

 _Meredith browsed the brochure, and the corner of her lips quirked up. It was smaller than the other Ivy League schools, but still prestigious. It was old, having been founded in 1769. She liked that it had character. It operated on a quarter system, instead of a semester system like a majority of universities and colleges._

" _Now you said you're interested in anatomy and biology, well they don't actually have a pre-med program, but they do have a great biology program and one of the country's oldest medical schools."_

 _The blonde teenager continued to read through all the information. "Do you- uh think that uh you could um maybe get me more information?" Her cheeks were red and she was visibly uncomfortable. She was unaccustomed to asking others for things as she had been taught that the only person she could ever really rely on was herself._

" _I can do that. I'll put it in your student box."_

 _Awkward silence settled in the room. Meredith stood up quickly and then raised her hand in a half wave before dropping it in embarrassment. She rushed out of the room to leave the tension behind._

The ball got rolling and Meredith visited the campus several times over the next year. She fell in love with the school and surrounding geography. It was perfect for her, and far enough away from her mother. It was one of the first true decisions she made it without worrying about what her mother thought. She felt lighter as if a weight was lifted off of her shoulder.

It was now move in day. Her mother had taken off the entire day from work, which was a miracle unto itself. Meredith could barely hide her surprise when her mother told her a week before. Dartmouth had students living in different communities. Meredith would be living in The Choates community. Her specific dorm was Brown. She would be living in a suite style with seven other girls, but on the bright side they had their own bathroom they all shared. She had never been one for communal bathrooms.

Figuring out where to park was difficult at first, but eventually they were able to find one close enough to her dorm. Meredith was let out of the car to check in while her mother and sister started unloading the car. All-in-all it took them over an hour to get all of her belongings from the car to her room.

Her roommate wasn't there yet, so she had first choice of beds. She chose the one closest to the window. "Wow," Lexie looked around the room mesmerized. She could hardly believe her sister was in college. "This will be me next year."

While Lexie was two years younger, she had skipped a grade. Unlike Meredith, she wanted to attend Harvard and remain quite local. "Yeah," Meredith muttered. "I can't believe this is really happening."

Ellis' face remained neutral as she observed her oldest daughter. Meredith had grown in the last few years. She had missed much of her daughter's life. She constantly told the girl what a disappointment she was, and it wasn't exactly fair on her. Meredith was being herself for the most part. She inherited some of the worst parts of her parents. The worst was the emotional distance. She was emotionally stunted as a result of watching her parents' relationship implode.

However, one thing Meredith had that neither of her parents did was a good heart. She was everything Ellis wasn't. She was there for the few friends she did have. She watched after her younger sister. Her smile could brighten a whole room. She wasn't frosty. Her only problem was her inability to trust, to take a leap of faith.

Ellis was content to let her daughter continue to believe she didn't care for her. It tormented her, but in the end she had no one to blame but herself, and if it helped her determination then she wouldn't change anything. Meredith was a girl with something to prove.

"Well Meredith, your sister and I have a long drive back home. We better get going."

The blonde eighteen year-olds eyes dimmed as she realized she would soon be alone. It was much different going to boarding school. Now she was purely responsible for her own well-being. There weren't going to be people to look out for her. Her best friend was on the opposite side of the country.

"Be extraordinary Meredith." Her mother loosely hugged her, which was fine with the teen. She wasn't ready for more. She was certain she would cry. "Five minutes Alexandra." Their mother warned.

Lexie rolled her eyes at the use of her first name. "Mer, I'm going to miss you. Do you promise to call? Because I can't leave here if I don't think you'll call. I need to know that you will be here."

"I will be here Lex. I promise." Her vision blurred as a swarm of tears fell from her eyes. "I love you." She told her. While they hadn't been getting on during the summer, she truly would miss her sister.

Lexie threw herself at her sister and held tightly as tears streamed down her face. "I love you too. Don't drink anything that you set down or didn't see made with your own eyes. Rape is becoming all too common on college campuses, especially by fraternities."

Meredith let out a watery chuckle. "I promise. Now go, I'll be fine." She shooed her sister out of her dorm.

Lexie and Meredith shared a parting glance before Meredith was once again alone. This was her first step on her way to becoming whatever it was she would be.

 _~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~_

Derek was finally a fifth year. This was the year where he would primarily work in his focus, neurosurgery. He would no longer have to report to Ellis. At the end of the year, the current chief was stepping down, and Ellis would be the new chief.

Lucky for him, there were only three months left of his residency. His boards were quickly coming up. Everything was shaping up for him. He was getting offers from several prestigious hospitals. New York Presbyterian was the one he was leaning towards the most for his fellowship. He missed his family.

Boston was close enough, but it still required a lot of effort and favors for him to go home for a single weekend let alone a holiday. The hospital was also seriously courting him. He didn't have any reason to stay in Boston, and the other hospitals were still too far from his family. He missed his sisters and nieces and nephews. His mom was also a huge factor. She was getting older, and he wanted to be around for her.

"What do you mean you're not coming home for summer?" Ellis yelled angrily into the phone.

Derek hadn't realized anyone was in the stairwell. It was too late to move now though. He was paralyzed with fear. If he left now Ellis might hear or see him, and that was a scarier than anything as she would think he was invading her privacy on her purpose.

Whoever was on the other end was sure a brave soul in his opinion. "I thought we had a deal." He could hear her angrily clicking her nails against the railing. "What do you mean your friends invited you to backpack through Europe for the summer?" He knew that tone. It meant things were about to get a lot more heated. "I don't care what your friends are planning to do. You were supposed to sign up for summer classes, not frolic around doing god knows what with god knows who." Her body was stiff with tension. "I don't care about what they do. They're not my daughter. You're throwing your life away. You're acting just like your father." Pause. "Don't take that tone with me. I gave life to you. Fine then, I'll pay for the rest of your education but don't come back expecting money for me. I'm done."

Derek couldn't help but think that was harsh. From the sound of it, it was the daughter who had graduated the year before. She seemed to enjoy the college life, and was smart for wanting to stay away from her mom. When he glanced back down, he realized Ellis was gone.

He sighed in relief. It would've been terrible had she actually spotted him. He didn't want her wrath directed at him after that phone call he overheard. Derek had to say that whoever the mysterious Grey was, she intrigued him. He had heard Ellis muttering about the girl on more than one occasion, and was surprised that nothing she did pleased her mother. He couldn't understand what mother wouldn't be proud that their child was accepted into an Ivy League school.

 _Just a few more months_ , he thought to himself. Then he would never have anything to do with Ellis Grey again.


	5. Something There

**AN- To address Patsy, I wasn't sure until recently about their age gap. But according to the show Derek was born in 1966. Maggie was born in 1983 when Meredith was five. So the resulting birth year for Mer is 1978. But then I remember the episode Time Warp from season 6, and Richard's part was in 1982, and Mer only looked to be about four. I also decided to update again because you guys are awesome. The chapter is named after the song Something There from Beauty and the Beast.**

* * *

 _2000- Senior Year at Dartmouth_

Graduation was soon to be upon young Meredith Grey. She was twenty-one, and first in her class at Dartmouth. She was graduating summa cum laude. To say she was proud of herself would be an understatement. Her undergraduate years were wrought with stress and fear. Her greatest fear was failing.

For once in her life, she wanted to prove to her mother that she was actually good at something. She majored in biology, and had been accepted to medical school at the Geisel School of Medicine. She loved the atmosphere at Dartmouth, and decided to stay for another four years.

Lexie was in her third year at Harvard. She was thriving there. She refused to live off-campus when their mother suggested it. The very idea of staying with their mother was unappealing to the young college co-ed. The two sisters tried to stay in touch, but contact between them was almost non-existent as they furthered their education.

Any and all contact with Ellis was null and void. Neither sister wanted much to do with their mother. Meredith in particular was tired with how their mother constantly tried to control everything in their lives. The last real phone call she had with her mother was during the end of her freshman year, when she called to tell her that she would be unable to come home for the summer or to take any summer classes. Ellis didn't like that she was changing up her plans and cut her off.

The only thing her mother paid for was her education. Meredith still had about two grand left in her bank account at the time. She spent the summer in Europe working in cafes and whatnot.

The following school year Meredith started a little tutoring side project where she charged students for their sessions. It was a great little business that helped her make a little extra cash. Tons of students sent her emails through BlitzMail. It was the email network for the school, and quite popular among the students. Meredith was very easy to contact as a result.

She usually waited until the second week to respond back to request for tutoring. Meredith expanded her business venture to a couple of her closest friends and hired some other kids. She even got approval from the school to do so. They thought it was awfully savvy of her to pursue such a thing, and thought it would look great to perspective students and their parents to see a student taking action.

Getting involved helped being away from home a lot easier to handle. She joined the Nathan Smith Society, which was for anyone who was doing anything with a health profession. Then there was the Society of Biological Sciences. The last club she joined was the Outing Club where she met the majority of her friends at school. Meredith had never really thought herself an outdoorsy person until she joined. She did stay as far from Greek life as she could though.

"Mer, are you going with us to New York this weekend or not?"

The blonde in question pursed her lips in thought. It was a valid question. While she had agreed two weeks prior, there was a lot going on now that wasn't two weeks before. Graduation was less than a month away, and she still had four exams to study for.

She was about to say no when it occurred to her that she needed to relax. This was her youth, and she couldn't squander it. The next few years of her life were going to be dedicated to medicine, and she needed a load off at least for a few nights.

"Yeah," she smiled a little too big. "I will. Let me go pack a bag and I'll meet you outside your dorm." It was about a four and half hour drive down the I-91. It would be nice to spend some time with her friends before they were all too busy in the library studying.

 _~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~_

They were in the city by eight that night. There were a few hiccups along the way, but in the end they were free. They were staying at the Hudson. They usually got a Deluxe Double room and a Deluxe room. It was always the five of them, and they would trade off with who got to have a room to themselves.

This wasn't their first venture into New York City. Meredith found a bar she loved to frequent when they visited. It was called Coogan's. She discovered it by complete accident. She had met a Columbia Med Student who introduced the bar to her. He was sure something, but their fling only last that weekend. He was too needy for her taste. The only thing she was glad he did was introduce her to the bar.

It was one of those it 'could be better' bars. The food was sometimes good, but it was the people that were the best part. There were tons of med students, and it wasn't too far from New York Presbyterian so the occasional doctor would pop in.

Meredith found it entertaining to listen to some of the doctors talk about their patients. Her friends were usually in it only for the hot med students they often hooked up with. It was fine with her since she had the single this time around.

Stepping out of the cab, Meredith soaked in the city. While she wasn't a New York City girl, she did enjoy the occasional visit. The trips were often sporadic. Everything was planned last minute because they were college students.

That night, Meredith sensed something different and dread seeped into her bones. She usually had these feelings when something bad was going to happen. While her friends laughed at her about it, she took them seriously. On those days, she was too- something to get out of bed. It wasn't sad, nor was it depressed, it was feeling lifeless. It made her more aware of the human condition and her role in it.

Thirty minutes later, the blonde young adult was right. She wished she wasn't as she huffed impatiently for the umpteenth time that night. A bicyclist ran her over. Of all the crazy things that could've happened to her, the probability of that wasn't on her radar in the slightest.

The cyclist seemed to be just fine. However, the doctors wanted to check her head in case of a concussion. She also needed stitches for her hand, which totally sucked.

It was taking longer than normal for a neuro consult as the attending on duty was in surgery. They had to call in another attending. The plastics guy was also taking a longtime.

Meredith was feeling a great many deal of emotions. She was now only coming down from the adrenaline high she was on. It was an intense few minutes, and she was beginning to feel the pain in her hand. When she fell her hand was sliced open by a broken bottle. The nurse already gave her a tetanus shot.

But aside from the pain she was pissed. The hospital was inefficient and clearly not doing its' job if she had to wait to make sure she didn't have a concussion. Her head was throbbing but only a little. It wasn't helping her mood.

The curtain was swung open to reveal a man in his thirties with the most amazing head of hair she had ever seen. It toggled something in the recesses of her brain, but the memory wouldn't come forth. He had the bluest eyes she had ever seen. It was like the color of the ocean, and she felt herself drowning in them.

"Hi, I'm the neuro attending the nurse paged. I had to drive here, so I'm sorry about the wait."

Meredith found herself watching his lips, and wanting nothing more than to see if they were as kissable as they looked. This guy couldn't be real. Most guys, especially doctors just weren't this hot. "So you fell and hit your head?"

The young woman blinked as she finally snapped out of her daydream. "Uh yeah, a man on a bicycle ran me over. But I'm fine. My eyesight isn't blurry. My pupils are responsive. I can hear just fine. My balance is perfect. My reflexes are still intact. I never had good coordination, and I was always the weakest person in gym class."

Derek smiled at the woman in front of him. "Are you a doctor?" He asked. Most people didn't know what to look for in possible concussion patients.

"Not yet," she smirked. "I'm in my last semester of college. I'll be starting med school in the fall."

He was impressed. Most people who graduated from med school still had a hard time remembering symptoms. "Impressive, but I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't check. So humor me."

She giggled. Giggling was something Meredith Grey rarely ever did. "Fine." She conceded defeat.

"So you've taken the MCAT." She raised an eyebrow. "Well I still have issues with some of the residents who can barely remember how to diagnose a tumor, and yet you who hasn't even attended med school yet, knows how to diagnose a concussion."

"My mom is a doctor." Meredith bit her lip. She preferred not to talk about her mom especially to a virtual stranger, who probably fawned all over her mother like everyone else in the medical field.

Derek nodded in understanding. "What type?" He found himself wanting to know more about this girl despite there clearly being an obvious age gap.

"A general surgeon," she mumbled.

"Is that why you wanted to be a doctor?"

"What's with the third degree?" She was defensive. It was an ingrained response. He flashed the light in her eyes and she flinched.

"Sorry," he apologized, realizing that it was a bit personal. "I didn't mean to pry."

Meredith ducked her head. Suddenly, she felt a bit horrible for how she behaved. It was a natural follow up question. "It's just personal is all. You seem like a nice guy." Complimenting was her second line of defense. She was aware that she was in the wrong for being a bit more aggressive than the situation called for.

Five minutes later, Derek was in agreement that his young patient didn't have a concussion. "Good luck in med school, maybe I'll be reading about you one day." Meredith averted her eyes as she flushed a delicate shade of pink. She had never been so flustered by a man before, and it was throwing her off.

"Maybe," she replied back.

"I'll send my buddy in to stitch up your hand. Just ignore whatever crass comment he makes. He's a real ladies man." Meredith giggled for the second time that night.

She had no idea what was happening to her. This man was making her silly. In the fifteen minutes he spent examining her, she had only thought about him. Her mind hadn't drifted elsewhere, which was unusual for her.

Within five minutes, a taller man entered. He had blue eyes, but they weren't as rich. He was hot, but it wasn't the same kind of spark she had with the neuro attending. "I'm Dr. Sloan. I'll be stitching up your hand tonight, and then maybe later you and I could get a drink and maybe go back to my place."

Meredith lifted her eyebrow. Was this guy serious? "Seriously?" She asked.

"Yeah, I've been told I'm quite the experience in bed." He answered, not comprehending that she was being sarcastic.

Meredith vomited a little in her mouth. "No thanks, I've got plans. And they don't involve you."

"Ouch," he fake gasped. "That bruised the ego a little. There you go. All done. You sure you don't want to spend the night screaming Mark over and over?"

She rolled her eyes. "If that's the best you go, then definitely not."

He grabbed her chart to indicate that her hand was all taken care of. "Well Meredith Grey, I have to tell you, you'll be missing out."

"That's okay Mark Sloan, I don't normally go for guys in plastics anyways. It's kind of soft if you ask me. I prefer guys who really know how to wield a scalpel. I'm out of your league." She knew the way to hurt guys like this pompous ass was to cut them off at the source.

Mark's ego had taken a real hit by this twenty-one year old girl. "I will take my leave now. I'll send in a nurse so you can be discharged. You missed out."

Meredith grinned. "I don't think I did. I'll be seeing you Dr. Sloan."

"What an ass," she said when he left. He was presumptive and entitled, and really rubbed her the wrong way. Her thoughts drifted back to his friend, and she realized she hadn't gotten a name. He had forgotten it during his little apology rant. She reminisced about his dreamy eyes when she decided that he would be dubbed McDreamy. Cristina would get a kick out of it, and she would have something to call him besides doctor.

Meredith had a good feeling about him. She just knew their paths were ready to be entangled quite yet, but there was definitely something there she had never felt before.

* * *

 **AN- Meredith is not interested in Mark. She finds it a total turn off that he tried to hit on her when she was the patient in need of help. But this visit, will definitely help when they officially meet. I also didn't have Derek or Meredith say their names on purpose. Thoughts?**


	6. Such Good Luck

**AN- I decided to write this for you guys because you're awesome. I love hearing all of your thoughts. There are brief mentions of McDreamy, but don't worry we are getting close to the big meeting. And once they meet there's no turning back.**

* * *

Meredith sat grim faced next to her solemn sister. Neither Grey sister spoke. Their whole lives were shattered with the utterance of the words "Your mother has early onset Alzheimer's."

Both girls sat and stared as they attempted to process the news that their mother would eventually forget them. Lexie hadn't moved an inch since the fated words left the doctor's mouth. Meredith however began to laugh after a few minutes passed. Laughter bubbled out of her as the situation began to hit her. She had read somewhere that people tended to laugh in inappropriate situations either because of fear, distress, or pain. Other's people pain made people laugh, which sounded absolutely ridiculous. But then she thought about all the times she watched AFV. She thought it to be absolutely hilarious when people injured themselves.

The whole situation ridiculous in her mind. She was absorbing it all, but it just didn't fit with the image she had of her mother. Ellis Grey was a strong, stern woman who prided herself on her ability not to rely on anyone else. An ability she passed onto her two impressionable daughters. Her mother seemed to be bigger than life, but she wasn't. Her life was about to be snuffed out of her because of one disease.

There was nothing to do to treat it. The deterioration of the mind was inevitable. As a third year medical student, Meredith was more than cognizant of how precarious life was. On any given day, a person could wake up and not know it was their last day on Earth. How truly horrible would it be to wake up believing it would be like any other day, only to realize in the end it was the last?

These were some of her mother's last days as the real Ellis Grey. The neurologist informed them that unfortunately their mother was at an advanced stage. Neither daughter was aware of the situation. Ellis had kept it a secret, but she had known for a year that she was living with Alzheimer's.

Lexie's eyes fixated on her sister's shaking form. The laughs soon turned to tears as Meredith sobbed into her hands. Never before had she believed she would miss her mother. While her mother had the tendency to ruin most milestones, she was still her mom. She would miss her medical school graduation the following year. Although she never once relished in the idea of allowing her mother to meet any possible future grandchildren, the opportunity to decide was thus taken out of her hands by fate, destiny, or kismet.

The younger woman's mind was unable to think. She didn't want to. It was all too much for her. She was a second year med student. She was supposed to be in class at that very moment, but instead she was at a hospital because her mother was found wandering the streets earlier that morning. She was in a confused state.

Someone called the police, and she was eventually brought to the hospital. The neurologist called them in. As the younger sister, it wasn't really up to Lexie to make the medical decisions for her mother. That lay in the hands of Meredith. Meredith was now responsible for their mother's care. The whole situation was bizarre.

Until two hours ago, everything in her world was fine. There wasn't anything too concerning other than finishing up her homework and studying for an upcoming exam. Everything had imploded upon itself. That was the only way Lexie could explain the situation to herself. She was stoic. Her face remained expressionless. Not even a peep could be heard from her. She sat there as she waited for someone to come in and tell them it was all some huge misunderstanding.

Lexie watched as her sister righted herself. Meredith was composed, calm, and in control of her mental faculties. "I'm sorry for that display you had to witness. It is the irony of the situation that got to me. I want to know what the protocol for this is. What do we- I do?" Her tone turned to pleading. Lexie could see that their mother's care was going to take a toll on Meredith, but she knew it was a burden her sister was not willing to share. It was classic Meredith.

Dr. Mallow swallowed heavily as she observed the two women in front of her. They were young, but there was depth in their eyes that others their age didn't have. Their eyes didn't shine with happiness or sadness. There was nothing but resolve, and she had to wonder what happened to them that sucked the life out of them.

Her hands folded on top of her desk. "Ms. Grey, the only thing at this point is to put her into a care facility. She's a danger to herself. It would be nearly impossible for you to take care of her. We had to put her in restraints earlier as she tried to attack my staff. She was volatile, and she tends to wander off. There's not much that can be done for her."

Meredith sat back in her chair as the doctor's words hit her. "I-I d-don't- I can't handle this right now. I will deal with it." The words were intended to come off as strong, but she felt anything but in that moment.

Her and Lexie thanked the doctor for her time, and told her they would have a solution for their mother by the end of the week. They were her only kin. Ultimately though, the decision rested with Meredith.

 _~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~_

"I can have her placed in a home here." Meredith told her sister over lunch a few days later. With the suddenness of the situation being sprung on them, Meredith had some things to settle with her school. All of her professors emailed her the work she would be missing. She had arrangements to make with classmates about notes.

Lexie took a sip of her shake as her eyes closed. She could feel the hot tears ready to exit, but she kept them at bay. She wanted to prove to her sister that she could remain calm. Otherwise Meredith would never view her as an adult.

"Dr. Mallow gave me the list of a few homes, and I checked out a couple. I found one I really liked. I figured that when I leave to do my residency, I can have her transferred to a different one closer to where I am. I'm considering Seattle Grace. Mom always loved Seattle. I think it would be nice to go back." She took a bite of her salad as the silence enveloped them.

The two sisters lived with unresolved tension between them. It still hadn't settled by the time Lexie graduated college. They were distant. A frost settled between them that neither was willing to melt.

"Do what you think is best." She acquiesced before muttering, "you always do anyways."

Meredith's eyes narrowed to slits. "Excuse me?"

Lexie widened hers. "I didn't think you were deaf. I said you always do what you think is best in the end, regardless of what other people think."

"I don't need your crap Lexie. So you're pissed. Get over your fucking self. You think this is freaking walk in the park for me. It's bullshit. Mom gets Alzheimer's and now I'm all of a sudden having to take care of shit because she can't. God Damnit." She pushed her salad away, and ignored the stares of other patrons. It was none of their business. "Has anyone told you it's rude to stare?" She snarked causing everyone to turn around back to their meals.

Lexie finally cracked. She was done with her sister. "You know what Mer, go fuck yourself. I'm tired of putting up with your mopey ass. No one gives a shit. Do whatever you want with mom. I'm done." With those last words, she threw some cash down on the table and exited the restaurant.

 _~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~_

"Go little Grey," Cristina exclaimed over the phone.

Meredith literally growled. "It's not funny. She thinks she knows everything. I'm tired of her stupid attitude. She has something to say about everything from who I spend my time with to how I don't call her enough. It's all crap if you ask me." The entire situation with her sister was frustrating her to no end.

Three months had passed since they last spoke with one another. Meredith refused to concede to her younger sister, and Lexie felt the same. They inherited their mother's stubbornness, and neither was going to budge. They had kept mums about the whole thing with their mom. They were in agreement to respect their mother's decision about who was allowed to know.

"She sounds like a real pain in the ass. I'm glad I'm an only child." Meredith felt the urge to throw a shoe at Cristina.

Meredith sighed. "I was one once. Then my mom had sex with my no good father."

She could hear gagging on the other end of the phone. "That's just gross. First of all, I've met your mother. I can't imagine what kind of man would want to be with a woman whose balls were bigger than their own."

"I'm going to forget you ever said that. It's being wiped from my memory as we speak. I love my sister, but I'm not ready to talk to her." It was a bit childish she knew, but everyone had childish parts of their personality.

"Mer, sibling relationships are complex and full of all kinds of stuff I don't know much about. You'll forgive her one day, and she'll forgive you. Maybe right now, you guys need to focus on yourselves." Cristina was her voice of reason. She managed to constantly talk her off the ledge.

"You're a lifesaver."

"I'm your person. It's part of my duties."

Meredith cracked a smile. "Don't sound to happy about that."

"Oh- what, I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm very happy."

"Liar," she muttered. "You can't smile without it turning into a grimace."

"Whatever," Cristina mumbled.

"Great come back."

There was silence, and Meredith knew what was coming next. "Are you still having those dreams about McDreamy?"

She groaned as she knew it was on the horizon. "I can't help it. I can't control my subconscious. But he's there every night. It's always in the exam room. He slowly peels off his scrub shirt, and then I rake my hands through his silky hair. Unfortunately I always wake up right before it gets good."

Cackling could be heard through the line. "You're sexually frustrated, and lusting after some hot doctor you'll more than likely never see again."

"You suck."

"And swallow Meredith, that's what you gotta do to get in with the big dogs."

Meredith shuddered in disgust. Cristina was sleeping with one of her professors. It was disgusting in her opinion. The guy was old enough to be her father. "Can I just say how gross it is you're sleeping with your professor?"

"He's really good."

"Stop," she said before things got too detailed. Sometimes over sharing happened between them. It was never intentional, but some lines should never be crossed for fear that the way a person was viewed would forever changed. "I don't really want all the dirty, dirty details."

"Mer, you are so boring. Why don't you dream about having a ménage a trois?"

Meredith scrunched up her face. "First of all I think it is weird you are giving me tips about my non-existent dream sex life. Secondly, McDreamy is definitely all I need in the dream world."

"I wish I knew how cute this guy was. I have to go soon though, it's the first day of our last year in med school and there's a speaker visiting from his fancy New York practice. He's a neurosurgeon. His name is Derek Shepherd, and he thinks he's god's gift to surgery. I met him yesterday. Colin introduced us."

"That is sick on so many levels. You are disgusting. I can't believe you use him like that."

"I mean we are in a relationship Mer. It's not conventional, but he's got connections. He's also teaching me a lot about cardiothoracic surgery. So I enjoy a few perks that my classmates don't, it's not a crime to have a boyfriend."

Meredith conceded. "No I suppose not. Tell me about this so-called renowned neurosurgeon."

Cristina went into a twenty minute rant about his hair alone. "I mean no one wakes up looking that good. He must style it every morning for it to look like that. Then you should've seen the way he commanded the room…" Meredith listened as her friend went on and on about this guy. "Now I really do have to go. The lecture is in thirty minutes. I want to get a good seat even if it isn't my future specialty."

"Bye Cristina."

"Talk to you soon Mer."

Meredith found talking to Cristina to be a cathartic way of addressing most of the problems in her life. Her friend usually offered sound advice. The only thing never mentioned between them was her mother. It was a forbidden topic, and Cristina knew not to even attempt to broach the subject.

 _~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~_

It was decision time. She had taken her medical boards. Medical school was finished, and now she was choosing where she would be spending the next six years of her life. Seattle Grace was very much on the table, especially as she already had a house there thanks to her mother.

It would be nice to go back. She missed the near constant rainfall. She used to love the ferries when she was a little girl. Her father used to take her and Lexie, and they would spend the whole day riding. Then he would usually give them ice cream for dinner. It was one of the few memories she had left of her father. He wasn't much more than a sperm donor to her at this point in her life. He abandoned her and Lexie, and he was only god knows where.

The more she thought of choosing Seattle Grace, the more resolved she was in her choice. It was the best solution. Her mother was happiest in Seattle. She wasn't all that sure why they had moved in the first place. She remembered it was after her mother slit her wrists, but it was a whirlwind for her. They spent time in a crappy two bedroom apartment before eventually moving into the house her and Lexie grew up in.

There was a mystery shrouding Seattle, and it called to her like a moth to a flame. She knew it was the right decision for her. Seattle held all the answers, and it seemed to be a promising place for a new start.

* * *

 **AN- Lexie and Meredith had a falling out. Don't worry it'll all eventually work out. For the moment they both need their space to deal with their mother's prognosis. It's hard on them in different ways.**


	7. Young Blood

**AN- This is it. However, I've put in my own little twist to when they meet. R &R**

* * *

Meredith grimaced at the sound of her alarm clock. It was the first day of her surgical internship at Seattle Grace, the hospital where her mother completed her own internship and residency. It was the hospital both Meredith and Lexie were born at.

The night before was spent at the Emerald City Bar with Cristina. Joe, the bartender, had kept them supplied with shots of tequila. Both of them had needed to take a cab home because they were plastered. It was one of the last times they could let loose before the seriousness of their jobs overruled their entire lives.

She called the cab company to have a cab at her place in fifteen minutes, otherwise she would be late. She couldn't be late on her first day. Luckily, she was beyond the point where hangovers affected her.

It was nerve wracking for her to be at the hospital that ultimately destroyed her and her sister's childhoods. Her and Lexie were still barely talking to one another. Her younger sister had one more year left of medical school, but she wasn't sure where she wanted to do her internship as of yet. Their monthly phone calls were strained at best, but neither was willing to fix the problem. It wasn't in their nature to concede defeat after they had learned their conditioned behavior from Ellis Grey.

 _~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~_

Dr. Webber had a whole speech for the interns. It seemed as if it wasn't the first time he was saying those words. It was a little too prepared. He showed them the inside of an OR, and all the interns looked amazed and wide eyed except Meredith. The OR had been her playground as a child. It was special in a different way for her compared to the others. He told them it was their playing field. Meredith knew it was going to be cutthroat, but in all honesty she was prepared for that.

"Meredith," she held out her hand to Cristina. They decided the night before it would be fun to pretend that they didn't know each other. "You're Cristina, right?"

"Yeah, who's your resident?" She asked.

"The Nazi." Their eyes spoke volumes. Both were concerned about that nickname.

"Me too."

"Oh you got assigned the Nazi? Me too, at least we'll be tortured together." The two friends turned towards an awkward looking man. "George O'Malley, you're Meredith Grey. You were at the mixer. You wore the black dress with the slit on the side with the strappy sandals." Meredith's eyebrows climbed up her forward. "Now you think I'm gay." He wasn't wrong about that. Like what straight man remembered what a woman was wearing especially at some crappy hospital mixer?

The three of them trailed out of the locker room along with another blonde woman as they were directed towards their resident. "You must be the model." Cristina smirked after Izzie said the Nazi was called that out of professional jealousy. She was a short black woman after all. She appeared harmless, but Meredith knew how hospital reputations worked, and it wasn't because of jealousy. Nicknames were earned because of fear, admiration, and talent.

The Nazi turned while short woman possessed the steeliest glare Meredith had seen on anyone that wasn't her mother. "Don't bother sucking up, I already hate you." Meredith snorted and Cristina bit her lip. "That's not going to change." Her eyes lingered on Cristina and Meredith's shaking forms a little longer. She continued on with her speech about how they were grunts and nobodies. They would be working their way up. Their first shift was forty-eight hours starting at that moment.

They collected their pagers and whatnot, and Bailey gave them a tour. She showed them the on call rooms where they were warned not to wake her up unless a patient was dying. Her rules were simple enough. "Are we clear on the rules?"

All four of them nodded with wide eyes. Meredith for all of her hospital experience was still an intern. She had never taken care of a real patient or cut into a live human being. This was as new to her as it was to everyone else. cadavers only provided so much experience being that they were dead bodies. There were merely teaching tools It wasn't a live human body that relied on a doctor to heal them.

Bailey's pager beeped and all of them trailed after her. "Did you see Blondie's face? And O'Malley looked like he was going to poop his pants." The two dissolved into hysterics, but stopped when Bailey turned to glare at them.

The patient's name was Katie Bryce. She competed in pageants. Both Cristina and Meredith snickered immaturely. The young girl had suffered from seizures for the last week, and had a grand mal seizure just as the helicopter landed. They managed to control it, and they were all given their assignments. Izzie was given the worst one of all, rectal exams. She wasn't even on the case.

"Her fingers are going to smell like ass." Cristina cackled. "The Nazi has it out for her." Meredith hid her smile as Bailey turned one last time to glare at them.

Meredith had decided Katie was the biggest pain in her ass. She made fun of her for not knowing where she was going, and for struggling a bit with the IV. It was her first day after all.

"Seriously, do you know what you're doing?" Meredith counted to ten to calm herself down. It was a practice that had worked often when dealing with her mother's critiques. "I mean it's a hospital. It can't be that hard to find your way around. The last time I was at the hospital they seemed to know what they were doing, and they were like nurses." Meredith growled in frustration.

She was glad to finally reach CT so she no longer had to hear Katie jabber on. The techs gave her a sedative, and she was relieved. Katie was the most annoying teenager she had ever encountered. That was saying something since she had lived with her sister who could be very annoying in her own right.

When the CT was finished, she rolled a groggy Katie back down to her room. Cristina was waiting in the hall so they could go to lunch.

"She's a little pain in the ass." Meredith grumbled as she took a bite of her sandwich. "If I hadn't taken the Hippocratic oath I would Kevorkian her with my own bare hands."

Cristina hid her smile as she took a sip of her water, while Izzie and George stared at Meredith. Meredith knew what that stare meant, but she preferred to ignore it. "What?" She asked them with a hint of irritation.

They shook their heads and went back to their food, while Cristina snorted. They were being obvious about it.

Luckily a perfect distraction came in the form of Dr. Burke, the head of cardiothoracic surgery. All of the interns at the table sat up straight as Dr. Burke informed them that the most promising intern would be chosen to scrub in their first surgery. All of them couldn't hide the surprise on their faces when it was George O'Malley chosen.

They tried to be happy for him, but all of them wanted in an actual OR. While Meredith doubted he would actually be successful, she still placed fifty on him pulling the whole thing off. She was glad when Cristina took the pressure off by betting seventy-five on him not even identifying the appendix.

Every single intern watched eagerly as he managed to take out the appendix only to pull the purse strings to hard and break them. He tore the cecum open causing a bleed and the patient's BP to drop. He literally froze, and Dr. Burke had enough and pushed him out the way.

"Double O seven," all the male interns muttered.

Izzie stared at all of them confused at the pop culture reference. "What does Double O seven mean?"

"License to kill," Meredith answered. She couldn't believe the stupidity she witnessed. Her mother had told her about the intern appy once. It was a test. It was used a way to make an example out of one intern so the rest would fall in line. It was to show that they were responsible for people's lives.

Cristina shook her head as George ranted about people calling him 007. "It's a state of mind." She told him. "It only means something if you let it."

"Cristina's right." Her pager beeped and her eyes widened. "I gotta go. It's nine-one-one for Katie Bryce." She ran as fast as she could to take care of her patient.

It turned out that the girl was a pain in the ass. She had her paged because she couldn't watch some stupid pageant. "I can't sleep. My head's all full."

"That's called thinking. Go with it." She retorted. She just couldn't seem to catch a break. Then she ran into that ass Karev, who seemed to think he knew it all and called her a nurse.

"Cristina!" She called when saw her friend. "The neuro attending is an ass. Dr. Nelson seems to think he knows everything. He needs to get over himself. He's been published like twice. And then this other intern Karev got all pissy with the nurse, and I told him off. He then had the nerve to call me a nurse. What an ass."

Her friend seemed to get a thrill out of her complaining about her last few hours. "Mer, it'll all be fine. Clearly Karev is an ass so find a way to show him up. As for Dr. Nelson, he's pissed. I heard he's being replaced by some hotshot from New York. I think it's that guy, Dr. Shepherd that spoke at a seminar at Stanford last year. He's okay I guess. Better than that quack Nelson, but I don't think he starts for a couple of days."

"Yeah well in the meantime I'm stuck with Nelson. He has no idea what's wrong with her, and he's about to ask all the interns to help. The reward is the chance to scrub in." Cristina's eyes lit up like the fourth of July.

"That's brilliant Mer. We can go start research now. I'm sure with the two of us putting our brains together we can figure it out."

After hours of pouring through books, they were still at a dead end. "I really hope someone figures it out." Meredith lamented, leaning back against the book case. "Katie is like half a person. She's so shallow. All she's done is complain about this stupid pageant. Apparently they have a talent portion."

Cristina's eyebrows raised up in surprise. "They have talent?"

Meredith chortled. "Yeah, and her talent is rhythmic gymnastics." Cristina cackled along. "What is rhythmic gymnastics? I can't even say it." Then it clicked in her head what was wrong with Katie. "I've got it. Cristina I think I know what's wrong."

It turned out that Katie had an aneurism that she could've gone her whole life without it being a problem. Unfortunately her fall the other week caused a brain bleed.

 _~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~_

Both women collapsed onto bar stools. "God I'm tired." Meredith moaned. "A shot of tequila." She informed the bartender.

"You love your tequila." Meredith merely smiled in response. "I think I'm out. I'm too tired to even drink for once."

"Suit yourself, more for me then." Cristina waved her off and exited the bar.

The electricity in the air intensified. Meredith wasn't sure what in the atmosphere had changed, but her body was hyper aware of her surroundings. It felt like something was crackling, and when she looked to her side she saw him.

"Double scotch, single malt please." He asked the bartender. She tossed back her shot.

She side eyes him as he waited for his drink. Something about him niggled something in the recesses of her brain. But she was three or was it five shots in. Her mind wasn't working at full capacity anymore.

Derek saw her from behind and decided to take his chances. He had been stomped on by several women over the years. He never seemed to get the brass ring, but for once he wanted to get a girl. He took a seat beside her. It was electrifying. He had the impulse to reach over and touch her, to feel her smooth skin beneath his fingertips. To thread his fingers through her silky hear as his lips trailed over the soft skin of her neck. She called to him like no other.

He wanted to stroke her back as they lay in bed watching the sunrise. He wanted to hear he laugh, know how to make her laugh. He desired her, but more than that he saw her potential. To him, there was no one else in the room, only them.

"So is this a good place to hang around?" He could've smacked his head for using such a cheesy line. Derek had not had much experience with females, and the experience he did have had resulted in disasters.

Meredith's eyes widened, and she tilted her head. "I wouldn't know. This is only my second time here."

"I wouldn't know either. This is my first time here. I'm new in town." His lips turned up into a genuine smile. Meredith was finding it difficult not to be charmed by him. "I've never been to Seattle. But I got a job." He paused as he waited for her to look at him, but she seemed to be staring at her shot glass. "You're ignoring me."

Meredith smirked. "Uh, I'm trying to."

His eyes sparkled in delight. He knew that would get her to talk. "You shouldn't ignore me."

Meredith raised an eyebrow as an amused smile formed on her face. "Why not?" She teased.

"Because I'm someone you need to get to know to love." There it was, that panty dropping smile. She had never felt this way about anyone before. Her body tingled, and she hadn't touched him.

"Really?" She laughed. No guy had ever been so forward before.

He answered back with a quick "yes."

She nodded her head as she said, "So if I know you, I'll love you?" This night was getting better and better.

"Oh yes," he couldn't help but be mesmerized by her beauty. Her eyes were the prettiest shade of green. He was caught up in staring that he almost missed her response.

"You really like yourself, huh?" She had never flirted so effortlessly before, but with this guy it was like breathing. That's what it felt like.

His eyes dimmed. "Just hiding my pain." They shared a chuckle. "So what's your story?" He asked. He wanted to know everything about this girl. There was something there. A spark, he realized. That's what was missing with girls he dated in the past.

Meredith quickly turned her head and composed her thoughts before shaking her head. "I don't have a story. I'm just a girl in the bar."

He tipped his glass. "I'm just a guy in a bar." Their eyes connected, and Meredith gasped as his hand touched hers. The electricity flowed between them, and she knew that whoever this guy in the bar was, he was about to change everything for her.

* * *

 **AN- I borrowed the dialogue from season 3, episode 1: Time Has Come Today. Don't worry they'll eventually figure out they've crossed paths before. But when you've been drinking, your brain is a bit impaired. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'm definitely going to be jumping through time every couple of chapters.**


	8. All I Want

**AN- So I've edited and added some things to this chapter.**

* * *

Meredith Grey didn't know how it happened. As Meredith Grey hadn't been the type to take a man home, at least not since her college days. Meredith Grey wasn't sure how she had lost control of the situation so quickly.

Scratch that, Meredith Grey knew exactly how it happened. The handsome stranger, the guy in the bar, he overwhelmed her senses. He overrode all the voices in her head because there was something there. It was a connection, of which the likes she had never felt before in her life. Meredith Grey had not found a man that seemed to fit her so completely.

Meredith Grey knew if she didn't do something, this guy would fill in all the cracks in her life. He could ultimately destroy her if she let him stay a moment longer. As she watched the handsome stranger sleep, her thoughts drifted to the night before.

Making love with her dark haired stranger caused about every nerve to end in her body. It was unlike anything she felt before with a man. It wasn't about pleasure, although there had been plenty of pleasure. He played her body like a piano, and it was unlike anything she had ever or was likely to experience again. This man knew how to get the appropriate reactions from her body and to make her sing.

 _As she stumbled through the doorway, a pair of arms wrapped around her waist to steady her. She sighed as she felt the warmth of his body. This type of comfortableness was something she was unused to after growing up in a house with Ellis Grey for a mother._

 _For her, it was as if she already knew him. Every touch of his left her wanting more. She was always wanting more. From the first time his lips descended upon hers in the back of the taxi to that moment they crossed the threshold, she wanted more of him. All rational thought left her as soon his soft, oh so soft lips trailed down her neck._

 _No words were uttered between them. It was a dance of a woman and a man coming together for the first time. It was raw, passionate, and there was something else there that she didn't have a name for._

 _His eyes bored into hers, and she gasped at the clarity of them. They were a beautiful shade of blue. It reminded her of water, and she found herself wanting to fall deeper into them._

 _He gently caressed her face as if to assure himself that she was in fact real and standing in front of him. Her skin burned at his touch and her head leaned into his touch. His thumb rubbed her cheek and her lips parted in desire. It was taking all of her self control not to launch herself at him, and beg him to take her._

 _Butterflies fluttered around in her stomach as he continued to stare at her with such tenderness and care. No one had ever looked at her in such a way before, and the intensity of it frightened. He frightened her, but she wasn't running. She wanted this. She needed this._

 _It was a tacit agreement between them as he picked her up by the waist and they made their way up the stairs to her bedroom. She had never imagined him to be so forward considering the cheesy pick up line he delivered only an hour before, but she was turned on by it._

 _Her lips wrapped around his ear before she began whispering dirty things. Normally she wasn't one for dirty talk, but with him it felt right. Sighing once again, she inhaled deeply as she nestled into him. He smelled like sandalwood and something that was pure him. Her lips brushed his neck and he shuddered gently. "If you keep being a bad girl, I hope you know bad girls get punished."_

 _Meredith moaned in response. Entering her bedroom, she was happy to say that it was clean. She was not normally one for cleanliness, but having not been home in two days meant that there was no one home to make a mess. He placed her on the bed with reverence._

" _I feel like I've met you before." She whispered._

 _His eyes smiled. "I know exactly what you mean." It could've been mere seconds or hours, but his mouth once again covered hers. Their tongues twisted together, and Meredith's traveled to his hair. She loved the feel of dark curls against her fingers. She was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. She wouldn't be able to stop it even if she wanted to._

 _His hands roamed down her body until they reached the button of her jeans. Their lips movements were on pause as he slid her jeans off of her body. His lips trailed up her leg slowly, and she groaned in anticipation._

" _Please," she begged. His smiled widened, and she knew he was getting off on this. He enjoyed hearing her plead for him to move faster. Her eyes implored him to get a move on. She wanted to feel all of him, every single inch of his body. When their bodies touched it was electric and she craved more of him._

 _He decided he was finally done teasing her, and moved up her body so that they were face to face. He achingly slow pulled her shirt off. His eyes feasted on her breasts, and she felt warm inside, knowing he was pleased by her body. She had an inkling by the tent he was pitching, but to know that she was physically appealing to him created a fuzzy feeling inside._

 _His hands traveled up to her breasts as he gently squeezed them. The touch of his rough hands on her breasts was enough to have her moaning like a whore. "Do you have any idea what I want to do to you?" He whispered sultrily against the skin of her neck. His breath tickled her._

 _She shook her head. Her eyes were the size of saucers as he pulled back with a hungry gaze. "I've touched you, which was step one. I still need to taste you. Then to finish off, I want to bury myself inside of you." Meredith moaned at the thought._

" _Do it," she challenged._

" _Gladly," he murmured as he unclasped her bra. She was essentially naked while he was still covered. The only thing keeping her from full on frontal nudity was her panties, but she knew soon enough they would be on the floor with the rest of her clothes._

" _You're wearing too many clothes." He smirked. He began unbuttoning his red shirt. Meredith grew too impatient and ripped the shirt open causing buttons to fly in every direction. Derek wasn't too bothered as he was enamored with her resulting giggle._

" _It was my favorite red shirt, but I think I like it better this way." His lips moved back to hers. She started unbuckling his belt, and he fell on top of her as she tugged a little too hard. "You're just full of surprises." He murmured against her lips._

 _Soon enough, they were both fully naked. The condom was in place, and soon Derek's erection was rubbing against her slit. She whimpered needing him inside of her. His penis was soon at her entrance, and Meredith held her breath as he slowly made his way inside of her._

" _Oh," she groaned. He was a lot bigger than she expected._

 _Derek squeezed his eyes shut. "So tight," he gasped. She pulled him closer because she couldn't get enough of him. Meredith couldn't even differentiate all the different feelings flitting about inside of her. All she knew was that she was in that moment with him. They were sharing a connection that seemed to go beyond that of two people who just met._

" _More," she said as their lips once again reconnected. His lips were soft and firm as they pressed against her own. The heat increased, and Meredith knew they were speaking a language that was entirely their own._

 _The kiss was like a thousand hellos all rolled into one. It was a remember me. It demanded that the two be together because that's how it was supposed to be. Meredith had never really known how to breathe until that first kiss. All her worries disappeared. They were just a guy and a girl who met in a bar._

 _Her moans intensified as he sucked her bottom lip into his mouth and increased his pace. It was torturous. Her body was thrumming like a well played instrument. He was the musician, and he knew how to play her just right._

 _There a touch of possessiveness in her eyes that gave Meredith the extra edge. His finger on her clit had already brought her closer to orgasm. He was everywhere. He consumed her, and she was letting him. God help her, she was letting him._

 _His hand connected to hers and their fingers linked together. This wasn't just sex, that much she knew even in her drunken state. But the intensity of whatever this was terrified her beyond belief. She couldn't afford to get hurt._

" _Come for me," he breathed against her lips. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she was overcome with sheer bliss. It had never felt like that before. Derek came not too long afterwards. Meredith was still reeling from what happened. She whined a little when he pulled out. He discarded the condom before getting back in bed._

 _Before Meredith could utter another word, her eyes fluttered close as exhaustion overwhelmed her. It also may have had something to do with the alcohol she consumed earlier that night, but she preferred to think it was the mountain moving sex she just had._

 _Less than two hours later, they were back at it again. This time it started with Derek's head between her legs. The feeling of his tongue down there quickly brought her to another orgasm. He was the puppet master and she was his puppet. He controlled her. He knew what to do to elicit the correct reaction from her. It was overwhelming having someone who could manipulate her body like that because all of her past lovers had struggled just to bring her to orgasm before they came themselves._

With the light of morning upon her, Meredith turned over only to collide with another body in her bed. Her eyes shot open as memories from the night before flooded her consciousness and she felt her skin heat up as last night replayed. She fell back onto the bed as she replayed them over and over. They'd done it five times. That was four more than any guy she had slept with before. Most of the guys usually left, or they fell asleep.

"Oh god," she didn't know what to do. What was the protocol for a guy who you had mind blowing sex with the night before? This was completely unprecedented. It was never her intention when she went to the bar the night before to take a guy home. She didn't do that anymore, or at least she thought she wasn't like that. She had stopped doing that after her undergrad because it was always a mess in the morning when the guys tried to make awkward, stilted conversation with her.

Meredith scurried out of bed when she spotted the time on her clock. She had forty-seven minutes to get to work or suffer the wrath of her resident. "Crap," she muttered as she tripped over her jeans.

Derek shot up from the bed in alarm. His eyes were wide and searching as he tried to find the source of disruption. His eyes landed on the blonde from the night before, his girl in a bar.

Meredith's eyes went all crazy as she realized she had woken him up. "Uh…" she was drawing a blank. "I have to go to work. I'm running late." She stood awkwardly next to the bathroom as she attempted to cover herself with a sheet.

Derek ruffled his hair as he watched her nervousness. He thought it was absolutely adorable. He was enamored with her as she was unlike any woman he had met before. She rambled, she could hold her liquor, and he was discovering she was clumsy.

"So when I get out of the shower you won't be here?" She phrased it more like a question.

He knew he had to leave anyways. She had torn his shirt, and he needed to get ready for work himself.

"It was uh nice meeting you… um," she had no idea what his name was.

"Derek," he supplied.

She smiled. "Meredith."

"Meredith," it suited her. At least a woman that he was interested in finally gave him her name. He had a name he could attach to a face, and that was a lot.

She quickly rushed into the bathroom. By the time she exited, he was thankfully gone. She couldn't imagine what she would do if he were still there. To be honest, she wasn't sure why she had been so awkward in the light of day. If last night was any indication, they were well beyond being uncomfortable in front of another considering they had done it five times.

 _~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~_

As she scrambled to get herself together, she swore upon the realization that her car was still at the bar. "Damnit." It really wasn't her day. After calling for a taxi, she waited as patiently as she could for it to arrive.

Thirty minutes later she walked hurriedly into the hospital. Cristina waited for her in the locker room with a coffee. "Where have you been? Rounds start in five minutes."

Meredith quickly threw on her scrub shirt and her pants. She slipped on her shoes and tied her hair back in a messy ponytail. "I slept with someone last night."

Cristina's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh? Do tell? Was it good? Or was it so bad? Was there chafing? Is that why you're late?" She fired the questions in rapid succession like a good best friend. At least she asked all the right ones.

"It was good. Like I'm talking really good, like five times good." It still tingled down there and there was a slight twinge of pain when she used the bathroom earlier that morning. It had been a while since anything had been down there, what with graduating med school, moving, and making sure her mother was situated.

Cristina smirked. She had been telling Meredith to get laid for the last year. She was always so uptight and high strung. She needed to relax, if only for a night. "Did you meet him after I left?" She was certain that she hadn't talked to any guys before leaving.

She nodded as she slipped on her shoes. "Yeah, and then we went back to my place after talking for a bit. It was incredible Cristina. I've never had someone that good before."

"Lucky bitch," she muttered as they rushed to meet Bailey.

After rounds, they spent a few hours in the pit. They then traded off to go to lunch. That was when Meredith saw him. "Oh no," she exclaimed, quickly turning around so he couldn't see her.

"What?" Cristina asked. She had never seen such a strange expression on Meredith's face before. She turned in the direction of Meredith's stare. "Uh Mer, please tell me that's not who you slept with?"

Meredith snapped her head. "Why?"

"That's our new boss. He's the new head of neurosurgery." Cristina's looked as if her birthday had come early. She knew her best friend enjoyed the drama that was her life.

"Fuck," she muttered.

"Holy shit Mer, you slept with an attending. I'm so proud of you." She patted her shoulder awkwardly as neither of them were the affectionate type. But it was a show of comradery. "I always knew you were attracted to authority types. And man this is going to be better than those soap operas my mother watches. I'm so proud of you, and I love your life."

"Shut up, let's go quickly before he sees me." She ducked her head as she attempted to bypass him. The last thing she needed was for him to recognize her. She still couldn't get the night before out of her head, and it was confusing her. Every guy before him was forgettable, but there was something about him worth remembering. She honestly couldn't explain what was different about him, but she didn't have the time to figure it out in a coherent way that would make sense. That required too much of her mental faculties, and she was too exhausted from their activities the night before to work everything out. She needed what little brain power she still possessed to finish out her work day.

"Meredith?" He called out anxiously or was that excitement. She didn't know him well enough yet to tell the difference.

Her eyes shut tightly as she swore. She turned around and plastered a fake smile on her face. It was a gift she inherited from her mother. "Hello Dr. Shepherd." She greeted as if she hadn't met him before.

His eyes were full of mirth. "Oh it's Dr. Shepherd now, last night that's not what you were calling me." She flushed red in embarrassment. "I didn't realize you were a doctor. I guess we'll be spending a lot of time together now."

"Stop flirting with me."

"Why?"

"It isn't appropriate."

Cristina watched in interest from the sidelines. She had never seen her friend openly flirt with anyone. Meredith was normally guarded, and used guys for sex. Cristina knew if Meredith didn't watch out she was going to fall hard for this guy.

"Who says?" He teased.

Meredith was flustered. "It's just not. It could be seen as you favoring me if people found out."

He leaned in close. "Who's going to tell?" He whispered huskily.

She gulped as she realized she was way out of her depth. "I uh," she avoided his eyes. Those eyes made her want to reveal all of her secrets. If she looked into them, she would tell him her story. They made her want to vulnerable, and that was something she couldn't afford to be. "I've got to go um get lunch. Yeah, that's where I was g-going." She stuttered.

She snatched Cristina by the arm and dragged her to the hospital cafeteria. "Please tell me that didn't just happen."

Cristina laughed obnoxiously at the spectacle Meredith had made. "Honestly Mer, I've got to say I've never seen anything like this before. This is a new one for me. You just embarrassed yourself in less than five minutes. Are you telling me that you had sex with him five times no less, and that was the best you could do conversation wise?"

Meredith flipped her off. "Oh shut the hell up. What do you know? You were the one screwing a man old enough to be your father."

"Pot meet kettle. He may not be as old as your father, but he's definitely older than you. I would say by at least ten years."

"Whatever, it's not going to happen again." She nodded her head affirmatively.

Cristina stared at he skeptically. She knew her best friend better than anyone. Meredith was headstrong, impulsive, stubborn, lacked self worth, and often got herself into situations in which she couldn't get herself out. Yes, if there was one thing Cristina knew besides the heart, it was Meredith Grey. Cristina doubted her friend could actually stay away from him. There was something different about the way in which they interacted that was unlike any guy she had shown the slightest bit interest in before. Meredith could deny the attraction all she wanted, but there was something bigger at play.

"Maybe he could be the new McDreamy." She suggested more in jest, but the look on Meredith's face had her stopping abruptly.

The name McDreamy had triggered something in Meredith's brain. "Holy shit Cristina, I remember where I've seen him before. He was the neuro doctor who checked my head after I was hit by that bicyclist a few years ago. I kept thinking all throughout last night that I had seen him somewhere before. I've seen him in my freaking dreams for the last four years."

"This is awesome. Isn't he the one you basically showed up at his own job?" Meredith blushed. "And he had that douche friend you ranted angrily about. The plastics guy who was a major ass."

"Yeah that's him." She muttered more to herself. Entering the cafeteria, she bypassed all the food and went straight for a table. She needed time to think. She couldn't believe this was actually happening to her. When she chose Seattle for her residency, she never imagined any of this happening. Like seriously? What were the chances that the guy in the bar, she took home the night before would turn out not only to be her new boss, but the guy who she was rude to?

"So how did you remember it was him?" Cristina asked, dropping her tray onto the table. She needed entertainment, and the best form of it was her best friend's life.

Meredith rolled her eyes in annoyance. She really didn't feel like talking about this. Not after the revelation she just had. It was bad enough that he once treated her and she thought about kissing him, but now she had done that and more. It was killing her head trying to think about it. "I'm still processing here." She snapped. Her face softened as she realized she was being defensive. "I know. I do that. I can't help it. It's my first response when people start prying into my personal life. I just don't see how it's anyone's business."

She laid her head down on the table. She relished in the coolness emanating from the surface. It felt good against her flushed skin, and it allowed her more time to avoid talking about it. "It's just like this huge coincidence. I only remembered because of the hair, but then you mentioned the name. It all came flooding back to me. Why does this type of stuff only happen to me?"

"What's up with her?" Izzie asked. Her and George took their seats, and both of them stared curiously at the miserable blonde woman.

Cristina wasn't really sure about the two of them. They seemed okay, but she wasn't sure about their surgical skills. There was the model, and then there was the guy who still lived with his parents. That was embarrassing on so many levels. Besides he had nearly killed that guy during the intern appy. He was officially labeled 007, and it would take something major to help him recover from that.

Meredith growled in distress. Why was everyone being so nosy? Didn't they know how to mind their own damn business?

"She's having a bad day. That's all. Ignore her. In fact, just pretend she's not here." Cristina suggested, trying to divert their attention away from her train wreck best friend.

Izzie shrugged, but George looked at her with concern. Everyone with eyes could see that he had developed a crush on her. Cristina wanted so much to tell him it was never going to happen as Meredith barely even knew he existed. Everyone could tell he was permanently in the friend zone, but he seemed unable to realize it himself. Cristina pitied him for having unrequited feelings.

"George leave her alone." Izzie kicked him under the table. "She doesn't need you hovering like a creep."

 _~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~_

"Stevens you'll be on Dr. Montgomery's service. Yang, you're with Burke. O'Malley, you're on scut, and Grey, you're with Shepherd."

Meredith couldn't believe how her day had taken a turn for the worst. Cristina shot her a sympathetic look before heading off in search of Burke. Meredith made her way towards neuro with a scowl. It was only her fifth day working there, and now she was going to be thrown into an uncomfortable situation. Although working for Derek would surely be better than working under Dr. Nelson. At least Derek had the credentials behind him to show that he was an amazing surgeon. Dr. Nelson did his required surgeries, but he never delved outside of the box for the really hard, hopeless cases.

Derek was filling out a chart when he saw her. "Meredith," he breathed her name.

Meredith averted her gaze as she moved to stand in front of him. "Here at the hospital, we are strictly Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey."

Derek's pen stopped scribbling at the name Grey. He lifted his eyes as his eyes raked over her features again. It could be a coincidence, but he was starting not to believe in coincidences anymore after this morning's encounter. "As in Dr. Ellis Grey?" He asked with distaste.

Meredith grimaced. "Yes," she admitted. "She's my mother."

"I used to be one of your mother's residents. I'm assuming you're the one who sent to boarding school."

She scratched the back of her head as her eyebrows scrunched together. What the hell was going on? Things like this just didn't happen. "I was. How do you know that?" As far as she knew, her mother rarely mentioned the fact that she had two daughters at work.

Now that Derek had a better look at her in the light, he could see a hint of her mother in her. It wasn't obvious, but there was enough there to say she was her mother's daughter. Meredith's hair was lighter than her mother's, and her eyes were green not blue. However, her facial expressions mimicked her mother's especially when she was irritated or annoyed.

"It was around the time of your graduation I believe. She had flown out, and we had a patient in the ICU at the time. She said I better not have killed him before she got there."

Meredith vaguely remembered her mother talking on the phone. She could still feel the disappointment that her mother thought her work was more important than one of her daughter's milestones. "Yeah, that sounds like Ellis. It's either her way or the highway."

"How is she?" He thought it would be the polite thing to do. He wasn't fond of the woman by any means, but she was Meredith's mother.

Meredith bit her lip. She couldn't tell him the truth so she lied. "She's Ellis. She's locked up somewhere writing another book." It was at least half true.

He nodded. "Is she still a monster?"

It elicited the exact response he wanted from her. She giggled and bobbed her head. "Yeah, she's still the devil."

"I'm glad someone else can commiserate, although I suppose you have it worse. You actually have to see her, whereas I do not anymore." He gloated happily.

"Yes, well we have patients to see." She did not want to get into a conversation about her mother when she was already harboring a secret for her.

His lips quirked up and eyes shone brightly. He was looking as dreamy as that day back in New York.

"We do. Maybe I'll even let you suction during my surgery."

"Somehow I don't actually think that's what you mean when you said that."

He wiggled his eyebrows. "I guess you'll have to find out Dr. Grey." He husked in her ear. "Now follow me."

The problem was that she knew she would follow him anywhere at this point. It hadn't been twenty-four hours, but there was something about him that she couldn't deny. There were far too many "coincidences" at this point for her to believe that there wasn't something far larger at play. Fate kept pushing them together, and now they were finally in the same place at the same time. She was terrified of what would come next.

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd."

 _~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~_

She removed her scrub cap after leaving the OR. The surgery had gone longer than expected as the patient coded twice. Unfortunately, the patient stroked out before Derek could finish the procedure and the brain was deprived of oxygen resulting in the patient being declared brain dead.

It was not a good surgery at all by any means, and Meredith felt for Derek immensely. He seemed to be the type to take patient losses personally. He told her he would talk to the family himself, and he didn't need her there as it was his responsibility.

She merely nodded in response. It was her first surgery to go sour since she started working at the hospital. She couldn't believe that it actually happened. The patient was stable, and then suddenly they weren't.

Meredith wasn't sure how she ended up in the locker room or how she was suddenly in her clothes instead of scrubs. She had no idea how her feet carried her to the bar and she was on her first tequila shot. Joe smiled sympathetically at her, and held his hand out for her keys. He had seen that look before, and knew what it meant when doctors wore it. They were usually there to get drunk to drink away all of their sorrows.

"I lost my first patient today." She informed the bartender. "I didn't realize there would be this hollow feeling in my chest to accompany. The patient was doing so well and then they weren't." She just couldn't understand what happened. Medical school informed you of all the risk accompanied with surgery, but it was different when actually confronted with it. "I didn't think it would feel like this."

Joe passed her another shot. Her lips curled up into what she hoped was a smile, but more than likely a grimace. She laid her head back down on the bar and waited for Cristina to arrive.

"Mer?" Cristina waved her hand in front of the catatonic blonde. She had never seen her behave in such a way before. Rarely was she ever stoic about anything. "Did something happen?"

"We lost our patient. He isn't dead or anything, but he stroked out while on the table. The brain was deprived of oxygen for too long, and you know how that goes." Unfortunately losing patients was a hazard of the profession, but none of the interns had lost a patient yet. Cristina bought Meredith's next shot for her.

"I'm sorry Mer. But think about it this way for every person you don't save, there are dozens, hundreds more that you will. It sucks when you lose a patient because you keep wondering what you could've done to save them, but most of the time there is nothing you could've done. We can't save everyone."

Meredith sighed. "I wish we could."

"I'm going to take you home so you can sleep. God knows how much you've had to drink before I arrived here. I know it is hard, but trust me when I say tomorrow is a new day. I'm not normally optimistic, but everything won't seem as bad when you wake up. Well except for that hangover you might have." Meredith agreed with that last part.

She knew logically that Cristina was correct. She also was aware that this patient was going to stick with her for a longtime. She had never lost anyone before because she didn't have grandparents, aunts, uncles, or any other relatives besides her mother and sister. She would have to be better next time.


	9. Better

**AN- I've gone back and edited some things. I know it's been almost an entire year since I last edited, and I absolutely apologize for that. I had no idea that junior year was going to hit me like that. I'm heading into my last year of college, so we will see what happens. I promise I will finish this story though.**

* * *

Prior to her internship, Meredith Grey was rarely up with the sun. She did not have it in her to be awake before the sun rose, and thus usually slept in. However, if she was to visit her mother before starting her shift that day, she had to wake up at five to get ready.

Yesterday was not quite a memory yet, but the wounds weren't as fresh as they had been when she was at the bar drinking away her sorrows. She was a doctor, a professional, and if people were to one day trust her to single handedly help their family members, she had to understand that it was impossible to save every single person that ended up on her operating table.

The important part is to give people the odds, and then wish for the best. There is more at work than the skill of the surgeon. Sometimes there is too much damage to the body, and sometimes the person simply does not have the will to continue to live.

She normally wouldn't visit her mother because well Ellis was extremely difficult to deal with in her current disoriented state. Meredith despised watching her mother further deteriorate with each passing day, but there wasn't a single damn thing the doctors could do. At this point, she could be a hazard to herself if left to her own devices, which was the reason why she was put into a facility.

Upon entering and signing in, Meredith took a few deep breaths to compose herself in preparation for visiting her mother. She had not called on her mother since her move to Seattle, the reasons why she was unsure of. She had no idea if it related to the crippling fear she had that her mother would be unable to recognize or if she didn't want to deal with the fact that it was possible that she would. Meredith wasn't equipped to deal with any of this.

Out of her and her sister, Lexie was by far more mature than she had ever been. But she supposed if she were ever to grow up, she had to stop running away from things that she deemed difficult to deal with it. She had a nasty habit of sweeping things under the proverbial rug in order to avoid dealing with the problem.

It was quite easy when her problems were simple and of the teenage variety, but these were actual adult problems that couldn't be solved with a few sweet words. These were permanent and unchanging, and required her to make decisions she wouldn't ordinarily make.

She and her mother had discussed Ellis' options when she was still primarily lucid. It was back when she was just starting to forget things like where she placed her keys or what day of the week it was. Her mother came to the conclusion that she was the one who would make all the tough decisions, not Lexie. Meredith didn't understand why her mother would give her that sort of power considering their past with one another.

Today, Meredith and her mother would sign documents that would make Meredith her mother's proxy. She would be unable to make any decisions for herself. It was just past seven when Meredith stepped into the room. The notary was already there, and all Meredith and Ellis had to do was sign the papers establishing Meredith as her mother's guardian essentially.

"Oh hello, who are you?" Her mother asked after they finished with the documents. Meredith had thanked the notary for arriving at such an early hour, but she simply waved off any thanks as if accustomed to strange hours.

The young intern swallowed at the question. It hurt more than she could describe to witness her mother in such a state. "My name is Meredith." The doctors told her to introduce herself, and not to act as if she knew Ellis unless the woman herself gave any indication of more than just a casual relationship.

Ellis hummed as she considered Meredith. "I have a daughter with that name." Meredith blinked back tears as her mother went on to chat all about her twelve year old daughter. "She is a rebel, and often is set in her own ways. She is rather like me except she kept hoping her father would come back. I never fostered that kind of hope because life is under no obligation to give us what we want. I hated seeing her grow angrier by the day. Do you have any children?"

Meredith found the humor in the moment to be exceptional. How was it that when her mother's memory was completely intact they could never have a single pleasant interaction, yet as a person with Alzheimer's, they managed to break some ground. Her mother had never told her how she felt about her or her father; their conversations generally fell flat or resulted in a yelling match.

"I don't have any children yet." It wasn't necessarily out of the question, but she wasn't sure what type of mother she would be considering her history with mothers.

Ellis smiled sympathetically at her. "Sometimes I think that my daughters would've been better without me. I don't think I am a good mother to them at all. When they were first born and innocent, I wanted so much for them, but as my marriage died from the outside in, I resented them in a way. They would never have to live the life I led. They had clean slates and my life was in ruins."

It never occurred to Meredith that there was more to her mother than just surgery. She was a person with her own sordid past that her daughters knew absolutely nothing about. She had to wonder about what would cause her mother to leave her father high and dry when she had two impressionable, young daughters.

She recalled the night they left. It wasn't long after her mother attempted to kill herself. She had called 911 after her mother passed out, and then she made sure that her sister was still asleep in her bed. She held her sister's hand as they traveled in the ambulance to the hospital, and refused to sleep until she knew her mother would be okay.

Lexie didn't remember any of it, and for that Meredith was thankful. It was her burden to bear, not her sister's. The night they left Seattle was in a rush of quickly packed bags and shoes slid on as quickly as possible. She grabbed her doll as fast as she could as her mother dragged her and her sister out of the house.

"I regret not fighting for love. I gave up everything for one man, and after he broke my heart, I closed it off to everyone including my own daughters. I never wanted a man to have that kind of power over me again. Love cripples the soul." Those were the words of a woman broken by the passage of time. "When you give everything, you find that at the end you have nothing left to give."

She found herself in a strange agreement with her mother for what was perhaps the first time in her entire life. Meredith knew that if something were to happen between her and Derek, it had the potential to destroy her. She had a front row seat to the devolution and eventual dissolution of her parents' marriage, while the details were murky, there were moments that stuck out to her. She remembered the endless fights and when her dad didn't come back home one day.

What would happen to her if this flirtation she had evolved into something else? Was she prepared for the ramifications of such a relationship? It was not unheard of an attending and an intern, but it was certainly frowned upon in some circles.

"Never date a man who doesn't understand your profession. You find that you have less in common, and that he can't comprehend why your priorities are related to your work. Thatcher hated that I worked at the hospital. Although a relationship in the workplace can go sour just as easily resulting in someone leaving." It sounded as if her mother was speaking from experience, and Meredith truly hoped she wasn't.

Ellis Grey generally wasn't a chatty woman by nature, but then again was she really Ellis Grey anymore. The very essence of the woman had been stripped away by the disease, and left a mere shell of who she once was. "I haven't found the right person yet." _Maybe I have._

"You're young. Don't settle on the first person who gives you attention, or you could end up making a mistake you might regret later."

Would she make a mistake if she and Derek pursued whatever it was between them? She knew she liked him, more so than any other man that she had met before. He intrigued her and challenged her, and she had never embarrassed herself so much in front of one before. Normally her exchanges weren't so awkward, yet he drew it out from her. He didn't make her feel strange for being awkward as some men she had briefly dated in the past did.

They shared a career, although she wasn't sure if she would end up in neurosurgery. While it was fascinating viewing a brain up close, she wanted to test the field so to speak. She wasn't like Cristina who was all about hearts. She honestly didn't know what interested her, and while her mother would claim it sounded childish of her, she wanted to be inspired by something. She wanted something to call to her.

But as for the Derek thing, her mother while certainly not the best person to ask advice from, had given her so much to think about.

 _~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~TNtB~~~~~_

"Meredith, where have you been? I called you like five times." Meredith looked up to see Cristina munching on a bag of chips as she watched her tying her shoes.

Meredith sighed wearily as she fell against her locker. "Ellis." That was all she needed to say before Cristina took a seat next to her.

"How'd that go? Was she all crazy or did she remember you?"

The blonde laid her head on Cristina's shoulder. "She weirdly made sense, and now I don't know anything."

"What do you mean?"

"She was talking about love and men and how they coincide. I actually followed what she was saying, and I agreed with her." She turned her head and widened her eyes dramatically. "I actually agreed with Ellis."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Enough with the histrionics. It was bound to happen eventually, you actually share some personality quirks. Don't give me that look either. Anyways what exactly did she say?"

"Something along the lines of love breaking the soul when you give a person your heart. Essentially you are giving them the chance to completely destroy you."

"Okay wow, I can't argue with that. Is this about Shepherd?"

Meredith averted her eyes causing Cristina to groan. "I'm not being stupid."

"I didn't say you were. But Mer, he is our attending."

"I know don't remind me."

"I just don't want you to get your priorities messed up over some annoyingly good looking guy. I'm just saying no one's hair is that perfect without some extra help."

"His is." Meredith's lips curled into a smile just thinking about it. She still remembered their night together quite vividly. "He wakes up like that, which is unfair to all women."

"Meredith this can't be healthy."

"I know, but I can't help but think about him. We know that I wouldn't be thinking about him like this if there wasn't more to this. When have I ever been all moony eyed over a guy? Most of the time, I have sex with them and then that's it."

"Grey, Yang where the hell have you two been?" The two jumped to their feet as their resident entered the locker room. She appeared to be pissed at them. "You were supposed to be meeting me for rounds, and here the two of you are chatting like some middle school girls." She quickly ushered them out the room, and they sped walk to meet up with their fellow interns.

They were immensely surprised to notice the new edition to their group. When the hell was Alex Karev assigned to the Nazi? They shot questioning looks at George and Izzie who shrugged helplessly, while Karev smirked at them as Bailey berated them for being late.

"Since you two missed rounds, you can spend the day in the pit. Stevens, you are on Shepherd's service, Karev you are with Montgomery, and O'Malley you're with Burke. Now go." She glared at all of them until they scattered like the four winds.

"Geez what was stuck up her ass?" Meredith had no idea. "At least we might get something interesting in the pit." Cristina was trying to remain hopeful, but generally it was stitches and broken arms.

It wasn't until noon that they finished up with stitching, allergic reactions, and x-rays. "God the Nazi seriously hates us. I got puked on." Meredith coughed to hide her laughter. "Some little shit had a nasty bout of the flu and he missed the bed pan."

Meredith cackled as she could no longer hold it in. "I'm sorry but that is hilarious."

"What's hilarious?" Meredith's feet stopped without her asking them to. She begged them to move, but there seemed to be a miscommunication between her feet and her brain.

"Nothing," she felt her pulse begin to race. His eyes seemed bluer for some reason. He was staring at her intently, and Cristina had disappeared in the five seconds since she stopped.

He stepped closer to her and then grabbed her arm to drag her into the stairwell. "Meredith, I don't want this to be awkward. If you don't have feel-"

She cut him off. "I do like you, a lot. I just, I'm not good at this."

"At what?" His eyes were intense and her breaths came out in little pants. He was much closer, and she knew she was unable to control herself in his presence.

She waved her arms around. "Relationships. I don't know if I can give you what you want. Is it okay if for now we remain friends? I know there's our obvious attraction, but could it be ignored for the foreseeable future. I'm not prepared to enter into anything, and I think I would rather have a decent foundation to build on."

Her words gave him pause as he considered her offer. He didn't want to rush her, and he would take her any way he could get her. If she wasn't ready for anything but that, then he would be her friend. "I guess I can live with that. As long as there is a possibility of something more."

Before they shook on it, she grabbed him by his scrub top and pulled him into her. Their lips collided and warmth rushed through her body as his lips moved against hers. There were definite sparks igniting. She could hardly think as he kissed her senseless. Their bodies were flush against each other, and she could feel every inch of him pressed against her.

Their tongues met, and it was like every nerve died. She could barely feel her legs anymore. She wasn't sure if she was standing on her own, or if it was his arm wrapped around her waist that kept her steady. She had to end the kiss before things got out of control.

With great reluctance she pulled herself away. Both of them were breathing heavily as they tried to control themselves. "What was that?" Derek panted.

"A promise of the future. Bye Derek." She high tailed it out of that stairwell before something happened that she would regret.

Her mother's words repeated over and over in her head. The problem was that she was beyond a simple infatuation and she was aware of it. This had the potential to be something amazing.

She was screwed.

* * *

 **AN- I definitely want them to have a solid friendship to build a relationship on. One of the problems with MerDer was their lack of trust and inability to keep their hands off of each other before talking through their problems. Thoughts?**


End file.
